Saturday, January 17, 2009

Hawaii #7: We spit in the face of Death, again

Yes, I know this is the SECOND hike we have taken this week. This trip was supposed to be our RELAXING vacation, as compared to our trip to Spain and Morocco a few months ago, where we changed hotels and cities almost every day and had to put up with the jerks in Marrakesh cussing at us for not eating at their stand. ("Miss, you eat here?" "No, thanks." "Well, f--- you!" "OK, sure. You've changed my mind with your eloquence. I will eat at your stand now.")

For me, a relaxing vacation is one where I don't have to move more than ten feet from the bed and the porch after I have slept for ten hours and someone brings me all the food, diet Dr Pepper and mochas I want while I control the remote. A pedicure would be nice.

For SH, a relaxing vacation is one where we drive through gorgeous scenery (that we could see in photos) to walk down a 25 degree grade for a mile through more gorgeous scenery (that we could see in photos) to arrive at a gorgeous beach (that we could see in photos). The good thing about SH's plan is that it includes frequent stops for lunch (seared yellowfin tuna and kalua pork quesadillas today, gado gado and chicken sate yesterday, Vietnamese sandwiches and green papaya salad the day before), malasadas and ice cream, but in the Perfect Vacation, wouldn't somebody bring them to you?

The difference in our definitions of a "relaxing vacation" is probably from the differences in our realities: when we're not on vacation, I get up earlier than I want and leave the house to exercise (which I hate) and find food. SH gets up, puts on his bathrobe, walks upstairs, and sits to work all day while food magically appears at his side. He does not exercise. Yet he always beats me up the hill. Just more evidence that God is a man for those of you who are counting.

Back to Hawaii. Does anyone know why you can't buy ice cream after 5:30 p.m. on Saturday here? Is there a law? Why do all (that is, two*) the ice cream places on this side of the island close at dusk? Do Hawaiians only want ice cream during daylight hours? What is wrong with these people? Also, why can we get macademia nut Hershey's kisses only at the ABC stores? What sweetheart deal is going on here? I want to know!

Back to the hike and our treachorous descent into the maw of death. We should have taken this omen as a warning. Many have tried, many have died.

Yet we decided to make the climb down to the beach anyhow.

We got there and found not only a grave marker

but the remains of the fire used by the cannibals for the unlucky hikers before us.


* Wait! No! There are three. Marble Slab stays open late. And they charge over $7/scoop. No thanks.

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