Sunday, January 25, 2009

Well come here superman!

What exactly does one get for the $16 one spends on "Performance underwear" from REI?

What was I doing at REI if I think they are so snooty, you ask? I was picking up the winter boots I had ordered from their online catalogue. The pink Polo rainboots weren't doing the trick and there are no winter boots to be found in the stores around here any more, which is a little odd considering that snow and winter have not stopped. Stores are all no one wants to buy our stuff and I'm all well stock some dang winter boots, some warm (ie, made with wool) socks and a few wool sweaters (hello -- acrylic is tacky just by itself and it does not keep you warm) and maybe I'll consider it.

Yes, I know you can't see the part on the tag where it says "Performance underwear" but trust me it is there. Just because I was dumb enough to shrink the picture and save it on the SD card before realizing the valuable text would disappear with the pixels doesn't mean it's not there. C'mon -- there are people who believe now that the big O is pres that the days will start to get warmer, leaves will appear on the trees, flowers will sprout and the swallows will return to Capistrano. You can believe me on this little thing. You've had practice.

Back to the main issues:

1. Who spends $16 on a pair of underwear that's not even leathah and
2. Just what do you get for the money?

For $16, I want my underwear to make me breakfast and clean the bathroom. You are probably saying, But CF, you think it's dumb to spend $178 on a pair of jeans when you can get them for $5 at the Goodwill store so what do you know about fashion? How do you know this pair of underwear won't make some heretofore 98-pound weakling enormously attractive to the ladies?

And who are you to mock that entire class of people who think spending a lot of money for high-performance rock climbing, snowshoeing and hiking gear makes them athletic? Aren't all the people who buy really expensive kitchen gadgets good cooks? Well you rest your case.

You're probably huffing, "Hiking in The North Face or Patagonia clothing is not just Stuff White People Like. I mean, these people carry water with them! They are serious! They are Committed To The Environment and They Care."

Yes. You're right. We are mostly a nation of uncaring, dehydrated people (except for the lady sitting next to me at church* last night who had a bottle of water in her purse and drank from it during the second reading about if you have a wife, act like you don't, which SH and I still haven't figured out is about other than Paul telling the Corinthians that maybe wives are supposed to let their husbands go out to watch football with the guys or something) who Don't Care. Except for the people who pay $16 for a pair of underwear. They care. They've spent the money to show us.

* Speaking of what people do in church, I guess North Face gear would be slightly more appropriate than the plaid flannel PJ bottms, long swim team t-shirt and lined Crocs I saw a teenager wearing a few weeks ago.


Ptolemy said...

My husband swears by the underwear you can find here: -- which is MORE than $16. And apparently he loves it so much it may do the equivalent of wash dishes for him... ;-)

MrScribbler said...

I don't need "performance underwear," and if I did, I wouldn't tell you!

Miss Robin said...

Ptolemy - my husband likes Underarmour too.

CF - we just got an REI catalog today. You're makin' me laugh. Your description of that store is quite correct. We don't buy clothes there, but we do buy sporting goods sometimes. Their prices for sporting goods aren't too bad. I'm sure they mark up the undies to make up for that. :)

TosaGuy said...

Great post....I was going to link SWPL but you beat me to it.

REI is a fun store and great for certain things like rock climbing equipment and super warm sleeping bags, but much of their clothing is ridiculous as is the $45 double walled steel camp coffee mug or the $50 campstove expresso maker.

I see that store getting absolutely punished as people quit buying life's little luxuries.

John0 Juanderlust said...

I'm thinking it may work like the patch, except it involves some sort of time release viagra set up. Can't be good after a washing or two. Then it is just a garment with no performance qualities.

Marta said...

Performance? Perhaps they are designed for actors? (she asked innocently) =D

I recommend you read: Bobo's in Paradise.

The mind reels.