Ah love, sweet love

One of my Valentine's Day traditions, as of today, is to google old boyfriends. I like to see what they're up to, know if I've aged better than their wives, and be glad I didn't marry any of them (not that they asked, mind you, but I'm sure they were just working up to it) because otherwise I would never have met and married SH, who was definitely worth waiting for.

I especially like the part where I look way better than the women they married. I've been wearing sunblock on my face and hats and avoiding daylight like a paranoid vampire for 15 years now and it's finally paying off. So sue me. Little bit of advice to one wife: Clairol #24. Really. It's easy, it's inexpensive and it hides the gray. I know you're an earth mother hippie, but your husband is in the classroom with hot grad students every day. Give him something hot to come home to and I'm not just talking about supper.

Then there is the high school boyfriend who turned out to be gay, unknown to me and I suppose unknown to him at the time, although wouldn't his total lack of interest in kissing me, even though we were alone at his mom and dad's house watching a video of some TV show, have been a clue? Was "The Dukes of Hazzard" or whatever was popular in 1979 really more compelling than I? We were both a little naive, I suppose. I thought I just wasn't cute enough. That wasn't it. I lacked equipment.

After googling old boyfriends, I went to the next logical step: self googling, which is how I found myself:





I don't have many details about these other Class Factotums because their pages are in German, but apparently I am 1) a wildlife biologist specializing in Carpathian wolves and 2) some kind of academic focusing on dragon kilns and Chinese pottery.

I feel as if I am letting my name down by not having a PhD in a bizarre area.