Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Marriage 101, Lecture 65: Gold digging

You guys know I only married SH for his money. I'd just been laid off when we met at our 20-year college reunion, I didn't want to look for a new job, etc, etc, etc. The fact that I was dating a really rich Moroccan who owned a hotel and not one but two Jaguars (The Gomez Chronicles, which you would be able to read, if journalspace.com hadn't lost FOUR YEARS OF BLOGGING, but I'm not bitter) had nothing to do with it. The fact that I was perfectly capable of making my own money, with my 4.0 GPA from a top-20 business school, fluency in Spanish, international experience and super work ethic, as I had been doing my whole life had nothing to do with it. The fact that he is a major hottie, smart as a whip, fun, sweet, interesting, did I mention hot, hot, hot?, had nothing to do with it.

Nope. It was the money. Just ask his parents. They'll tell you. Even though the 50% down payment on our house came from moi. Even though most of our assets come from me because why is divorce so expensive? It's worth it and that's all I'll say about that. (For those of you late to the game -- I met SH five years after he filed for divorce from Imelda. I am not a homewrecker.}


I'm a goldigger who takes advantage of my husband by not working and spending all his money. So far this winter, I have bought

A long winter coat (actually, SH bought it for me as a Christmas present, although his best present to me was that I don't have to go to a certain state all of 2009 and that's all I can say about that. The coat was on sale.)

A fur coat at a consignment store for $45. It started to shed because guess what? I don't know anything about buying fur but here's what I learned. Fur should be supple and soft, not brittle. It should feel like a soft little kitten, not a ratty old dried chamois. The first time I wore it, it began to shed. The car looked like a rat had exploded. As I am not fond of shedding, even for items that will sit in my lap and purr, I knew the coat would not become an everyday wear. I called the shop to see if there were any chance I could return it, knowing the answer would be no, because hello, I bought it as is at a consignment shop. But. I bought it from a consignment shop in a small town in Wisconsin, which has just about the nicest people on earth and the lady remembered the coat and felt so bad that she sent me the shop's half of the money back, so I ended up paying only $24.50 for the coat, so I'll just wear it a few more times to amortize the cost down.

A short winter coat on the super discount rack at the Lands' End outlet. $37, which is about 20% of the original price.

Winter boots on sale from REI, they of the $18 underwear, for $99. With the money I earned working for Luke.

Now to the non-essentials. This is where SH is wondering if I am really pushing the envelope and I am hyperventilating wondering if I should take this back to the store. Y'all, I need your advice. My sister, who got the makeup and accessory gene, hasn't called me back on this. I went through the same thing a few years ago but on a much cheaper scale when I wondered if I should buy the Neutrogena conditioner.

I just spent $23 on hair conditioner.

There. I said it.

Hair conditioner.

Am. I. Insane?

Here's the thing.

I used to have fabulous hair. I could do anything to it and it still had lustre, gloss and sheen.

Now, not so much.

Now, I have to color it to cover the gray. Now, I have to style it. Now, I understand.

Do I spend the money? Is it worth twice as much per ounce for the Biolage? Am I taking my husband into the poorhouse? What do y'all think?


John0 Juanderlust said...

It's OK. If it's the Good conditioner (don't leave it out for company to use) then you will feel like a million bucks for less than thirty.

class-factotum said...

Harpo, I just couldn't do it. I agree with your philosophy, but did some research and discovered I could find the same (more or less) product at Sally Beauty Supply for 1/4 the price. So I'll still feel like a million bucks, but for a lot less money!

But yeah. I'd never let company use the Good Conditioner.