Things the cats would rather play with than anything we have bought for them, which is not much* because these cats are not our children and we are not going to spend a lot of money on them:
1. The spare glasses I keep by the TV so I don't have to always be running up and down the stairs to get them out of my purse and then make sure they are in my purse when I need them. Extra points: They bat the glasses off the coffee table and onto the floor, where they reside in the path of an unsuspecting person who has come downstairs to watch What Not To Wear. Can someone who is not wearing her glasses see glasses on the floor? In the dark? Discuss.
2. Sendik's marble rye bread from the day-old counter that was minding its own business sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen. Now it looks like it has been ravaged by a pack of wild dogs. They didn't eat it (although they claim they are starving since the vet told me to cut them back to less than what iams said to feed them -- cat obesity crisis, he said -- and indeed, our probably adult and now-spayed cats have gained weight since we got them, even though they are on a schedule and fed only what the package says, at least since we figured out Shirley was in heat and not starving), they just batted it around and tore it up. No, we had not eaten any ourselves. Yes, we will trim the edges and eat what is left. No, that was not "I love it when cats lick me" SH's idea, who wanted to know if I was going to throw the bread away now.
3. The black pearl necklace SH gave me our first Christmas together. Now my jewelry has moved from the top of my dresser to inside a dresser drawer.
4. The small purple and pink with green camels that we got in Morocco mud rug on the kitchen floor. Laverne is convinced that rug means her no good and makes at least one pre-emptive attack an hour on it.
5. The cool humidor I got at the furniture consignment place down the street. We put a cat scratching pad on the doorknob next to it, but Shirley prefers milled wood for her nail care. Only the best for these cats.
6. The stack of cooking magazines on the coffee table in the TV room. They do like their food.
7. The little twistie thing from some appliance. You know -- like the twistie thing from bread, only stronger.
8. The toilet. So fun to watch the water swirl down as it flushes. And the water from the toilet tastes a million times better than the water that I put in their water dish every morning. Besides, who wants to walk that 25 feet from the bathroom to the kitchen?
9. My razor in the bathtub. The tub makes an excellent velodrome.
* Except for the expensive climbing/scratching post thingy that Laverne walked right past on her way to the newly-upholstered chair in the living room. SH has since returned said scratching post.