Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I am poison

Things I am not qualified to do:

1. Babysit a classroom full of second graders. Or tenth graders. The local school district is not interested in me.

2. Operate a cash register or help people find the peat moss at the garden shop down the street. I was showered, dressed and madeup when I submitted that application.

3. Answer phones for any of Manpower's clients. I wish I'd known that before I sat through the hour of stupid safety videos. I already know to lift with my legs and not with my back, thank you very much. I am lock-down, tagout, ZES certified, people. OK, not certified necessarily, but I did go to the two-day seminar on all that stuff* and I also did an audit of all the equipment guarding of the five Latin America plants with this electrician from Georgia who spoke no Spanish and didn't have a camera so I learned all kinds of safety baloney just by osmosis and interpretation, more than you learn from an online video.

4. Play checkers for free at the old-folks' home two blocks from our house. You'd think they would want volunteers. They have a volunteer application on their website. That I completed. And submitted.

I guess there is no point in applying for a job that would pay real money. If no one wants me for minimum wage/free work, there is no way they'd want me for a six-figure job.

* So what that it was because I wanted to be at company HQ so I could see the guy from Brussels I had met during the training in Cincinnati, the one who later broke up with me by email, then wrote nine months later that he wanted to see me on his business trip to the US but I had to let him know right away because there was only one cheap seat left even though he wasn't paying? And then when he did see me told me he was getting married and when I asked to whom told me I knew her and when I wondered whom I knew in Brussels he told me it was me! which surprised the heck out of me because he didn't even say anything like, "I blew it by breaking up with you and I don't deserve a second chance but I realize now that I was a big idiot and I love you and I can't live without you, etc, etc, etc." Nope. Just announced he was marrying me.

He didn't.


LPC said...

You know, you may be one of the few people who are, in fact, overqualified....

Anonymous said...

CF, How far are you from the Whole Foods Store in your fair city? We just got one here & all the employees look SOOOOO happy!!! It's our new favorite store--they have the BEST lattes--we no longer go to Starbucks!!! (I am job hunting too because of teaching cutbacks for next year & would love to work at that store...I want a job that is FUN!!!)Whole Fods has been one of the Forbes Top 100 companies to work for, for many, many years...keep us posted! White-Chocolate

class-factotum said...

LPC, let's hope that's the case.

WC, there is a WF here. Maybe I should check it out. And the employee discount would maybe make it close to affordable to shop there.