Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Marriage 101, Lecture 457: How to deal with a telemarketer

Example 1:

Me: Hello?

Caller: Blah blah blah blah wonderful opportunity vacation rental Oklahoma panhandle.

Me: I'm not interested, thank you very much. Good bye. [hang up.]

Chilean cowboy in Torres del Paine, a park way at the southern tip of Chile, in 1994, when my friend Lenore came to visit. She brought with her peanut butter, Crisco (I didn't realize I should just use lard, which was readily available), chocolate chips (before I realized I could break up chocolate bars), ziplock bags (no substitute available), and lots of other delicacies not available to those of us on Peace Corps stipends.

Example two

SH: Hello?

Caller: blah blah blah time share

SH: We're really not in the market right now.

Caller: blah blah blah

SH: Even if we were, we wouldn't be interested in Orlando because we don't have kids*. If we were going to do something like this, it would have to be Hawaii. [I roll my eyes. SH has never been in sales.]

Northern Chile.

Me: Hang up!

Caller: blah blah blah Hawaii.

SH: But we just took a vacation, so we're not interested.

Me: Hang up!

Caller: blah blah blah next year

SH: I'm not going to hang up on you, but as I said, we're just not interested.

Caller: blah blah blah

SH: Uh huh, but this is not something we want to do right now. Maybe later.

Me: Just hang up!

Little restaurant in Chile with the menu on the blackboard out front.

Caller: blah blah blah

SH: We're not interested in doing anything like this right now. Good night.

* and we -- well, I -- certainly have no interest in going anywhere near my outlaws

Fishing village in Chile.


Marta said...

I fully lie. (I'm not proud of this, but that's not important right now.)

Whatever they are selling I always tell them I JUST BOUGHT SOME.
Timeshare in Croatia, Carpet cleaning for the doghouse...
Me: Wow! What a coincidence! We just got solar paneling yesterday!

class-factotum said...

I don't think that counts as a real lie. Saying what you need to say to a telemarketer is to lying as killing in self-defense is to murder.