Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Marriage 101, Lecture 398: Oh, the places you'll go, or, My husband causes second-hand adrenalin

Friday. Friday afternoon of Memorial Day weekend.

The vision:

Me: What time do we need to leave here for the [IMAX about the Titanic that SH really wants to see but to which I am indifferent] movie?

SH: It starts at 5:40, so no later than 5:00.

Me: OK.

[Then SH showers right away, we leave the house at 5 for a calm drive downtown, take our time finding the perfect, FREE parking space, walk to the museum, find the perfect seats, and enjoy the movie.]

The reality:

5:00 SH showers

5:10 SH starts an email to a coworker in India.

5:17 We leave.

5:19 We encounter a slow driver on Center Avenue and can't pass him because there are either cars parked or the city bus is on our right. SH gets mad at the slow driver, cusses and pounds his fist. I take deep breaths and remind myself that I DO NOT CARE IF WE GET TO THE MOVIE ON TIME BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ABOUT STUPID TITANIC DOCUMENTARIES, but SH is a stress carrier and is highly, highly contagious sometimes.

5:21 We are still behind the slow driver. I look for medicinal chocolate in the glove box.

5:27 We escape the slow driver, but then get caught at a red light and IT'S ALL THE SLOW DRIVER'S FAULT.

5:33 Downtown at last. I make the mistake of asking The One-track Mind Engineer what he thinks about this bar in San Diego that wants its waitresses to wear makeup and can it fire the waitress who refuses and don't get an answer because he really and truly does not hear me when he is concentrating on something else, like trying to remember which street we turn on to get to the good parking for the museum.

5:35 We find an empty space. The rapacious City of Milwaukee thinks the best way to make money is to increase the parking rates to $1.50/hour and to change to those parking meters that don't let you see if there is time left on them. Let's see: capital investment of about a gajillion dollars for all new meters and the pay system that allows cash or credit cards (gotta admit I like the part that allows credit cards, but if you're only allowed to park two hours anyhow, it's not that big a deal) plus increased parking rates equals sure I'm going to come downtown more often and pay for street parking. We pay for parking until 5:59.

5:37 Run into the museum, wait in Will Call line to exchange passes for tickets, be delayed by people ahead of us who don't understand the concept of moving forward to exit and instead want to come out the way they went in even though the exit is very clearly marked at the end of the line. Get our tickets. Run back to the theater. Get waved in. Run into theater. Wait for eyes to adjust to dark. Find seats. That turn out to be kinda too low but I think the theater might be a retrofit and even if we had sat higher up, we might have had to tilt our necks way back. Watch movie and be relieved that we didn't actually pay $11 apiece for the tickets.


LPC said...

This was clearly all your fault. Lack of focus.

Anonymous said...

I think the makeup is a good idea.

Parking meters are a gold mind.

Didn't the Titanic sink like nearly a million years ago? Right after that woman sang on its bow?

Anonymous said...

should have been gold mine but you get the idea...

class-factotum said...

Burstmode! Where have you been?