Thursday, July 09, 2009

Kitchen tip #277: Don't put your KitchenAid plastic bowls in the microwave

Let me get this straight.

I am warned not to blow-dry my hair while I am in the shower.

Florida
I couldn't find the photo evidence that one cannot put a Pyrex bowl of butter and milk directly on a burner and expect the butter to melt gently without the bowl exploding. But did I sue Pyrex? No I did not. So here's a photo of the beach instead. Wear sunblock. And a hat.

I am warned that cruise control does not mean I can leave the wheel of my RV while I am barreling down the highway at 70 mph, go to the back and get myself a cup of coffee.

I am warned not to drop my plugged-in toaster into a bathtub full of water.

I am warned that peanut butter contains nuts. (Which is actually not true, as peanuts are a legume, but whatever.)

Photobucket
Here is my uncle* cutting up apples for the elk. Or the horses. Don't let the horse eat your hand.

I am warned not to iron clothes while the clothes are on my body. (OK, I have done this, but to remove a skirt to touch up the hem? That's dumb. And I lived to tell the tale. And it would never occur to me to sue if I had burned myself because it would have been my own stupid fault.)

I am warned against things that actually serve a useful Darwinian function.

Eels
These are eels. Don't fall in the tank. You would get wet.

But I am not warned against doing something a normal person would do in the course of doing a normal thing, like cooking broccoli? I have to go to KitchenAid's website to learn that they "do not recommend" that I put their plastic bowls in the microwave?

Where are the useful warnings? Like, "Stop seeing the guy whose parents come into town and not only do you not get to meet them but you discover they don't even know you exist." Or, on a pair of scissors, "You will regret it if you cut your own hair! STOP! NOW!" Or, "Be sure you are getting purebred Siamese cats because LYNXPOINT SIAMESE are a cross and they SHED LIKE CRAZY and you'll get seven, yes, SEVEN brushes worth of hair from Shirley in ten minutes, which is enough hair to build a kitten or knit a scarf."

Where are those warnings?

Charlie brown cows
This is a belted Galloway cow, which I think is about the coolest breed there is. Some farmer between Abbotsford and Wausau has a herd of these. If you knit a sweater with this hair, you get what Charlie Brown wears.

* My aunt wrote a few months ago, "Now I would like to tell you about Hugh’s winter project. He spent months, really, going over the buildings at the stables. He sanded the outsides, straightened roofs and porches, put on new roofing paper, painted, etc. One day he was up on the roof of one of the buildings when there was a bit of wind. He was using an aluminum ladder, which blew down. Unable to jump because of the height and without a ladder, he proceeded to do what any red-blooded naturalized American would do. He took off his pants, tied one end to something and got down without breaking his neck."

Bonus question. If the pants had torn and he had been injured, could he have sued Levi's? For how much? Does the ladder manufacturer have any liability in this?

3 comments:

LPC said...

Hahahaha.

The warning should come on babies. Warning, I do not come with an Off button.

AKJ said...

Is that your Uncle with the ponytail?

class-factotum said...

LPC, all that stuff they make you sign to buy a house and yet there is NOTHING you have to do to prove you are fit to have a baby.

Anita, yes, that is Hugh. I don't think you have ever met him. He's the one in Colorado.