Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Random Wednesday things

1. If you put on a dress that is a little bit too tight, it helps if you take off your underpants. That is just one less thing taking up space and making the dress tighter. It is especially helpful if the dress is made of cotton, because cotton will stretch. SH thinks it is erotic for me not be wearing my Target cotton undies with a dress that goes past my knees. I do not understand men. It's not like I am Britneying.


2. Don't tell me you never pee in the pool. I don't believe it. The only people who don't pee in the pool are people who don't swim laps, people who didn't teach swimming four hours every morning in the summer with only a five-minute break between classes that they had to spend TYING SHOES and people who were never on a swim team.

If you were on the swim team, yeah, you peed in the pool because you couldn't leave the pool in the middle of practice.

If you are a lap swimmer, if you are up at 5:30 a.m. to get to the gym by 6:00 so you can swim for an hour before you go to work, you are not going to waste time getting out of the pool just to attend to such a trivial need.

The only problem is if you take vitamins that make your pee orange, you don't want to pee while you are standing in the shallow end because the pee is visible. So then you have to try to pee while you are swimming or during your flip turn at the deep end, which is very difficult. And I don't want any of your "But that's gross!" whining. That's what the chlorine is for.

3. I feel bad for the Chinese guy in our tennis class. His English is not very good and he was having a hard time being understood yesterday when he was asking a question about serving. The teacher was gracious and patient, but she could not understand him. After a few repetitions, though, SH, whose boss is Chinese and who works with other Chinese engineers, got what he was asking.

I had times in Chile when I could not make myself understood. During training, they did not teach us the vocabulary for, "Why should I pay a commission to your rental agency when I am taking over the lease held by the Peace Corps volunteers who are leaving?" or "I am not paying to repair these loose floor tiles that came up because you built a bathroom in the middle of the house with no way for the humid air to escape and with the shower curtain rod too low to block the water from the shower spraying onto the floor where it got under the tiles and ruined them" or "What do you mean I am supposed to tip you for bringing my letters? You are the postman. The letters are stamped. What do you mean the stamp only pays to get them from post office to post office and I am supposed to pay you extra for bringing them to my house?" A few times (only a few), people laughed at my Spanish and I wanted to snap at them, "In English, I am smart!" Only I didn't know how to say it.

4. SH wants everyone to know that this is the true knife travesty that happens when he is not around to keep things straight, not this.


Maureen at IslandRoar said...

I like the no underwear deal, but then I hear my mother saying that that will be the day I get in a car accident, and everyone from the EMTs to the people in the ER will see I have no underwear on.

Those are some fancy knives...

Lena said...

We have the same Victorinox cutlery!!
Funny, I also have 2 paring knifes...
About the underpants... you are absolutely right!! When wearing a tight dress not only will clothes fit better... you also avoid the unsightly lines!!

class-factotum said...

Maureen, but if the no underwear thing is erotic, maybe the EMTs would work harder?

Lena, I love that knife! And yes, you are so right about the lines. The elastic digs into my not made of steel buns and it is not pretty.

Jill said...

I would have to agree with your husband. I missed your blog, chica. The bathroom post turned me off a bit, but this is coming from an only child who has never acknowledged this bodily function to anyone...except now you. So TMI from me!