Monday, August 24, 2009

Marriage 101, Lecture 635: You'll take my trash out of my cold, dead hands

Me: Hey! Just so you know, I'm throwing away this LLBean catalogue from 2006!

SH [running down to the basement]: Wait! What are you doing?

Yes. Random photos from our trip to New Orleans a few years ago. They do not take up a lot of storage space in the basement.

Me: I was moving these boxes so I could get to the dresser and this one opened. It's full of old junk mail.

SH: Stop! Don't throw anything away!

Me: Why? Do we really need the Franklin School District 2007 calendar?

SH: Stop!

I stop for a second as I think about the difference between SH and me. He has moved only a handful of times, I moved ten times (maybe more?) before finishing high school and had to discard stuff each move because we had a weight allowance. The military does not like to waste taxpayer money by moving old newspapers or bills across the Atlantic Ocean. You will never open my mother's closet and find a paper bag full of random newspapers from ten years ago that she moved from San Antonio. Or the phone bills from 1996. SH is a gatherer, I am a shedder.

You would think that through the magic of marriage, I would have more control over what junk is allowed to stay in our house, but no.

Me: Or the Valu-Pak coupons from 2005?

SH: Why do you have to mess with this now?

Me: Because I saw it and I'm tired of having all this crap in my basement.

SH: Why are you stressing me out like this? Can't we leave this until later?

Cafe du Monde waiters goofing off instead of waiting tables. I finally bussed our table and went to the counter to place our order.

Me: This box has been here for 14 months. It's time.

SH: Nooooooooooo.


AKJ said...

Better Question - who doesn't throw out the value-pak instantly?

Anonymous said...

Purge, Baby, Purge!!!!

Jeff Abbott said...

Show him Hoarders on A&E, that will scare the heck out of him.

Anonymous Mother said...

(Personal and PRIVATE to SH: I DO have my phone bills from 1996, but that will just be our little secret...)

class-factotum said...

Mom, you DID NOT move those bills from Minnesota to Sicily to San Antonio to Colorado!

Jeff - he knows no fear.

Anita, sometimes there are good coupons in the Valu-Pak.

Anonymous Mother said...

No, the bill arrived AFTER we were in San Antonio.

Before leaving MN for Sicily in November 1996, I'd paid U.S. West's "Final Bill", which included charges from our MCI calling card. (But, apparently, it did not include ALL the MCI calls.)

A YEAR LATER, I received a threatening letter from a collection agency telling me to pay my MCI bill OR LESS!!! I had received NO other communication from MCI informing me that there was an overdue bill.

Needless to say, I have disassociated myself from MCI!

Anonymous Mother said...