Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Marriage 101, Lecture 639: The Sorting of the Mail


Any time we are gone for more than a few days, we have the post office hold the mail and then deliver it all in one big bunch, which usually works out well for us except for the time that the PO sent back a $10,000 check that Imelda, SH's ex, had mailed him. It was the California tax refund that needed his signature to be cashed because they were not divorced yet*. Yes. The mailman ignored the hold order and returned the check to Imelda, who had taken several months to put it in the mail in the first place, so I was calling all over creation (have you ever tried to get someone from the PO on the phone?) trying to intercept the letter before it was re-delivered to her because I was worried that once it was in her hands again, it would never see the light of day. Imelda, bless her heart, is apparently not the most organized of persons. That was drama. I am not a fan of drama. Especially when it involves money.

But anyway. We had our mail held for three weeks this time. Monday when I returned from the gym, the mailman had been in our neighborhood but I did not see the big box of mail. I asked SH where it was.

SH: I hid it.

Me: Why?

SH: Because I don't want you to throw any of it away.

Let me explain something about SH in case you are a new reader of this blog or have not met him in person and therefore already know what he is like.

There is no piece of mail or paper too insignificant to keep.

Sorting the mail is a power struggle. Sorting the mail is our Vietnam. I am the US, he is the Soviet Union.

But I do not throw his stuff away.

I might sort it into piles:

1. Stupid ads for things we don't need to buy
2. People (charities) who want money from us and I don't want to give it to them
3. Bills

But I do not throw it away. Even though I want to. Even though I think I should have the authority to discard the expired Boston Store ad.

The church in Bakewell.

When I sort my own mail into these categories, it's easy to decide what to do with them. In an action that brings tears to my beloved's eyes, Categories 1 and 2 get tossed without even being opened.

But SH?

Noooo! We have to open them! What if it's important?

Honey. I can tell you that the "final notice!" letter from the World Wildlife Fund? Not important. Honest. What are they going to do if we don't open it? Stop letting you donate?

But he is getting better (ie, doing things more my way). Mail does not accumulate in a pile behind the couch any more and he no longer has the Leaning Tower of Visa. So this time, once he told me where the mail was, was not so painful. I just threw away everything with my name on it and sorted his into piles, some of which he has already discarded. He knows that organized men are HOT.



* That is correct. SH and I were together before his divorce was final, but I am not the Other Woman. He filed three years before he met me but things dragged.

1 comment:

Lindy said...

You need to sign up for mail preference at directmail.com. I almost never get junk mail anymore.