My husband is suffering. He is in pain, pain I tell you. Or he will tell you. You don't even have to ask. It's all my fault for making him go to the doctor.
This festering incision in his leg? The one that has discharged about two teaspoons of fluid* since Tuesday? The one that has some pinkness around it? The one that smells a tiny little bit** if you put a day-old bandage just under your nose? The one that has caused no fever? The one that requires him to spend seven minutes a day washing and changing the dressing? (It would take a normal person three minutes, but he is very, very picky.)
The mobile hospital SH has established in our bathroom.
This incision is awful, he tell you. Oh, the suffering. Oh, will I not feel his pain? How can I not pity him as he goes through this ordeal? What he is experiencing is far worse than say,
Cramps that make you throw up and long for death
A pap smear
Any female problem that requires a local anesthesia applied to female parts and the subsequent scraping of these parts
The humiliation of overflowing your pad while you are wearing your white pants and you don't even realize it until you get off the school bus home
Headaches once or twice a week that your doctor calls "migraines" and you say But I don't have an aura and the doctor says They're migraines and you say Whatever just give me drugs and then vicodin doesn't even work**** but imitrex does. Sometimes. And it makes you feel sick to your stomach and icky all day.
* My definition of "oozing and filling a bandage" are different from SH's.
** My definition of "stinky" is not something that has to be held to the nose to be detected. A "smelly" infected incision should cause passers-by to hold their breath. Breaths. Whatever.
** According to my friend A, to whom the Boob Fairy endowed far more than she did to me, a mammogram does not hurt at all. "It's just two big ol' slabs of meat," she said. Alas, when one does not have two big ol' slabs of meat but delicate two-ounce fillets of cod, it does hurt to have them smashed and pulled and twisted.
**** It doesn't even make you high, which really ticks you off.