Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday letters

1. Dear Sendik's bagger: I put my items on the belt in the order that I wanted them packed. That meant that I did not want the pears, which were last, on the bottom of the bag underneath the canned tomatoes and cabbage. Pears bruise. They are delicate. That is why they cannot have heavy things on top of them. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings when I grabbed the bag from you, emptied it and repacked it myself, but Lord have mercy, you are 60 years old. Have you never bought food?

2. Dear TJMaxx cashier: I am removing the hangers from my items because I do not want to take cheap plastic hangers home with me and because I want to speed up the checkout process. Your job while I am removing hangers is to ring up and bag the non-hanger items. It is not to stand there, watch me take off hangers, and stack the hangers neatly.

3. Dear Old-folks' home: If you ask me to make cookies for the old folks who live there, do not tell me the next week when I deliver said cookies that oops, you don't want homemade cookies because my kitchen probably does not have a commercial license and who knows what could happen because don't you know how many people die from improperly-prepared homemade cookies every year? Don't tell me you want store-bought cookies instead because I would never push that crap on somebody else. Store-bought cookies are for lazy people, people who do not know how to bake, and people who don't know what good food is supposed to taste like.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

CF, darling, r-e-l-a-x!!!

SH said...

And she thinks I'm the control freak.

Anonymous said...

Don't know how the two of you manage to keep from killing each other!!!

SH said...

By not taking any of this too seriously, that's how! Much of CF's blog is written with tongue in cheek.

Anonymous said...

Whew!!! What a relief...we won't have the send the 'interventionists' in.....keep enjoying each other & don't sweat the small stuff....(remember, it's ALL small stuff!)

Richard in NY said...

The "no homemade cookies" rule is actually made by the state health department, not the facility. We have the same foolishness here in NY.

Jan said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only person who will tell a checker how to bag groceries - "That's bread - why are you throwing a head of cauliflower on top of it? Do you want my son to take a deformed ham sandwich to school for lunch tomorrow?"

And LMAO about the cookie thing - oh, by ALL means, let's load up the old people with some wholesome high-fructose corn syrup, partially-hydrogenated vegetable shortening and unpronounceable additives and chemicals. Heaven forbid you make them something out of your diseased kitchen - we don't know if you wiped your counter off after you cut up that raw chicken for dinner last night.

*rolls eyes*

Karin (pariskarin) said...

"It is not to stand there, watch me take off hangers, and stack the hangers neatly."

Hahahahaha!! This had me laughing out loud! :D

Hi! You visited my blog & I wanted to do the same back. :) This post cracked me up...

class-factotum said...

Hi Karin - thanks for stopping by!