Saturday, October 24, 2009

Notes on a concert

1. "Shook Me All Night Long" is a cool intro song, although AC/DC and Kelly Clarkson? Something doesn't fit. But that's OK. AC/DC is a guilty pleasure. (And "Shook Me All Night Long" isn't even their best song, but it's your show.)

2. If the security guard tells you to move away from the stage, don't stand there leaning next to the stage and waving your hands over the stage but not touching the stage. You're not touching it. You're not touching it. You're next to it! Sheesh! Then don't stomp away, only to return five minutes later and stand three rows from the stage, waving at Kelly! Kelly! Here! Me! Because of course she has been waiting for a weird 16-year-old boy to make her life complete.

The Bolivian navy on Lake Titicaca.

Just as Robert Downey Jr was not waiting for me in Bolivia when I finished my Peace Corps stint in Chile and returned to the US over land. I just knew RDJ would be somewhere along the line making a movie and I would run into him and the crew and they would hire me as an interpreter because they hadn't thought of that before leaving the US -- who knew they don't speak English in Bolivia? -- and then he would fall in love with me and we would laugh and run along the beach (not in Bolivia, obviously) holding hands and eat at cute little cafes and people watch (also not in Bolivia -- maybe we ended up in Paris somehow except there is no beach there -- Greece! we ended up in Santorini) and then we would get married and live happily ever after, defying Hollywood odds. This was before all his heroin stuff came out.

But that didn't happen* and Kelly is not looking for a weird fan who finally gets kicked out of the concert.

3. The purpose of a seat is to provide a place to put your butt so you do not have to stand for 90 minutes. If you have paid good money for a ticket, why would you stand when you have a perfectly good seat behind you?

The sax player was the only appealing male in the band. The bass player was reptilian. The sax player is always the only appealing guy in the band. Unless there is a harmonica player, of course.

* I did, however, have more than one drunken toothless indigenous man sleep against me on the bus.

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