Marriage 201, Lecture 412: Driving Mr Crazy

This is what it's like to drive someone who's supposed to be on a webcast via his cool cellphone hookup so we can get to Madison in time to go to the Wisconsin Veterans' Museum.

1. At the stoplight where we need to turn left

SH: Why are you stopping here [and not in the middle of the street]?

Me: Because there are cars coming.

SH: But that's how you're supposed to do it! You're supposed to pull into the middle of the intersection and then when the light is yellow, you make your turn!

Me: There's too much traffic. I'll wait until the next light.

A cool thing on campus.

2. On the highway

SH: You're going the speed limit!

Me: Yes.

SH: But why?!

Me: Because it's the speed limit and I am ALWAYS THE ONE WHO GETS CAUGHT.

3. In Madison

SH: WHERE ARE YOU GOING? THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TURN!

Me: Fine. I'm going to find a place to pull over so you can drive.

SH: What? But it will take time for me to shut the computer down! [Because of course he is busy now that the web conference is over looking at woot.com]

Me: I'll wait.



4. On the way to Joe and Joyce's house. SH is driving.

SH: Wait. Where are we?

Me: We should be on Wennequa.

SH: But we're on Blablabla.

Me: I told you that we should have been on Bodean or LaDean or something like that.

SH: Let me see the map. No! You should have said "Turn LEFT to get onto WEST Dean."

Me: I said that it looked like that street turned INTO BODEAN.

SH: I WAS SUPPOSED TO TURN LEFT.

ME: There is no left turn there.

SH: Yes there is!

Me: Not on the map.

SH: Let me see that.

Me: THERE IS NOTHING ON THIS STUPID GOOGLE MAP.

SH: It's Yahoo.

Me: I would have said "Turn left" if there had actually BEEN ANOTHER STREET ON THE MAP.

It's a miracle that I ever got anywhere at all in the FORTY TWO YEARS before I ever met the man.