Let's put the tree* on the stove while we're at church so the cats won't get at it. Oh yeah that's a great idea.
* We didn't get a real tree because we were going to be out of town and we were already asking our friend Regina to feed the cats and scoop their poop and, as it turned out, clean up their vomit, and it seemed a bit much to ask her to water a tree for five days.
When we got home, Menards was out of trees (Menards, how could you betray us this way?) and SH didn't like the trees at Home Depot, especially after the HD Tree Disaster of Ought Five, when Home Depot had already shipped their excess trees back to the supplier by December 22 and our friends Stephen and Leigh lent us a fake fake tree, which you can read about here.