Sunday, December 06, 2009

Marriage 201, Lecture 491: Save Big Money at Menard's #23

SH: The thing about the Menard's ad is I look at it and see things I didn't even know I wanted.

Me: Like what?

I am as easy to please for Christmas now as I was when I was a kid. Easier, probably, because I don't want any stuff. Nothing. I have all the stuff I will ever need. Except shoes. And purses. You can never have too many shoes or purses. But I don't need them. I just like to have them. Just as SH likes to have electronics. Apparently, a man cannot have too many stereo systems, computers, or DVD players. Even though he can use only one at a time. And cars. We are limited only by our garage space. And money. But he would have a gajillion cars if we were rich and had a place to keep them all.

SH: Look at this toilet seat!

Me: What's so special about it?

SH: It's anti-microbial.*

Me: Is it heated?

SH: No.

Me: Then I'm not interested.**

SH: Are you sure? Look. There's this little holly thing next to it. I could get it for you for Christmas.

* Not that we are in the habit of 1. peeing on the seat or 2. going long periods without cleaning the toilet -- Thursday is my housecleaning day. And really, after two years of living in South America, working with women who had outhouses (I always carried toilet paper with me) and no running water and then backpacking my way home, staying in the "Fs" and "Gs" in the South American Handbook, I laugh at the idea that any toilet in the United States could bother me with "microbes." After you have peed into a hole in the ground at the bus station in La Paz while an indigenous woman watched you try to balance your backpack as you squatted because you sure weren't going to take it off and put it down on that rank, smelly concrete, there is nothing here that will trouble you. I would eat in most US bathrooms.

** You laugh, but you try getting up in the middle of the cold Wisconsin night in a house built in 1928 that leaks heat (so of course you are not going to crank the thermostat and watch your hard-earned money fly through walls) and sitting down on an ice-cold toilet seat and see how easy it is to fall back to sleep after that.

Photo by my mom, the Big Factotum. Yes. I was a natural blonde once.


LPC said...

Yeah, I was a blondie too. Photos to prove it are always a good thing).

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I think I had that same doll cradle.
And I would never laugh at a warmed toilet seat. It's COLD at night!

Jan said...

I TOTALLY understand the desire for a warmed toilet seat. I would, however, brain any man who gave me one for Christmas.

Just sayin'.

BethanyC said...

The way SH feels about the Menard's ad, that's the way Fin and I feel about the Sky Mall catalogue. We take them off the airplane just because they have so many things we never knew we even wanted.