Saturday, December 12, 2009

Marriage 201, Lecture 63: The Beard, or, The Princess and the Pea

SH: I took my beard trimmer on the trip but I think it broke.

This is our driveway. The Driveway of Death (which leads to the Sidewalk of Slipperiness). Yes. That is a sheet of ice on the left. This is what happens when you buy a house with the roof pitched toward the driveway. Don't do this. When the snow melts, it runs off the roof and down to the driveway, where it freezes again into a deathtrap that will keep you in your house, unable to empty your trash or go to the gym or the grocery store and once you eat all the Nutella, the Hobnobs and the potatoes, you will starve and die.

Me: Uh oh.

SH: So I might need to buy a new one.

Me: No!

SH: Why not?

Me: Because even though you look so handsome with that beard, it hurts when I kiss you so it needs to go, so just shave it off. Please don't waste money buying a new trimmer.

SH: Can't you just get used to the pain?


Anonymous said...

All I can say is: Be careful! You're in for a treacherous winter! (and you if SH doesn't shave!)

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

There is only so much beard-rash one is willing to put up with beyond a certain age.....

Sand...kitty litter...a drawbridge???
Be careful!

class-factotum said...

Jane, I am so ready for that global warming they keep promising.

Maureen, sand is a good idea. I think we're going to try that. I don't like salt because it just re-freezes and then it drains onto the yard or into the sewer and then into the lake and it's not good for the fish and stuff, although it looks like the Asian carp are going to kill everything anyhow so what's the point?

class-factotum said...

PS And Maureen, you are correct. I am no longer willing to suffer for s-e-x. :)