Saturday, January 16, 2010

Marriage 201, Lecture 501: Men, women, reading minds

Scene 1. We have just arrived at the play. I remove my coat. The woman behind me clears her throat.

Woman: Excuse me. Your dress is unzipped.

Does this look like a new fashion? A fashion where one only zips halfway, exposing the label and one's bra strap? Am I in the fashion vanguard, I, who lives in gym clothes usually?

Me: What?!

Woman: Your dress.

Me: Oh my gosh. SH. Would you zip me, please?

SH: I noticed that before we left the house.

Me: What? And you didn't do anything?

SH: I wasn't sure if you wanted me to zip it.

Me: Why would I not want you to zip it for me? I forgot to ask! In the future, please assume if you see me with an unzipped dress that I do indeed want you to zip it for me.

Scene 2. After the play. We are going to walk to the restaurant, which is near the playhouse and the parking garage. It is cold.

SH: I think the restaurant is a few blocks this way. Or is it that way?

Me: Let's ask.

SH: No! We can just walk around.

Me: Are you crazy? I am not walking around in this cold.

SH: I am not asking! I live here. I should know.

Me: Fine. I'll ask and I'll tell them my husband is a guy and because of that is too proud to ask. They'll understand.


LPC said...

1. My father zipped my mother's dresses. But it was the only time I ever saw him touch her. They are now divorced.
2. iPhones. GPS. Terminator Engineer will disappear into downloading apps but will never have to ask for directions again.

Anonymous Mother said...

I can't believe you are wearing a SLEEVELESS dress in January--IN WISCONSIN!

When we lived in Duluth (in another lifetime), I sewed a sleeveless, velvet formal for the Air Force Dining Out (In?). After all, the magazines showed beautiful women at fancy winter parties in sleeveless dresses.

Well, let me tell you--I froze my patoozi!!!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

He thought you "wanted it that way?" That cracked me up!
Now the direction thing, well, that's just men for you. Love LPC's suggestion!

Melissa said...

Gotta agree with Anonymous Mother. It's layers of long-sleeved items for me during deep-freeze weather. Well, during most times of the year, actually. :) (What can I say -- I like to be warm.)

LPC and Maureen are right about GPS. Never will he have to be embarrassed about not knowing where something is in his own town. Hey, maybe that's how they should start marketing that stuff!

Jan said...

Dress? What dress? I'm too busy trying to find out what the titles of the cookbooks on your counter are...

Class factotum said...

LPC - just what SH needs - another gadget. We are arguing about gadgets on facebook right now.

Mom, my patoozi was covered. :) And I had the warm pashmina shawl Lenore sent me from their trip to Egypt.

Maureen. Men. Fashion. Honestly. The irony is that SH actually dresses beautifully.

Melissa, maybe they need to start marketing GPS systems to women for their husbands/boyfriends/etc using that kind of tagline. Great idea!

Jan: Joy of Cooking (Of course). Silver Palate New Basics. Memphis Junior League. Marta's Cuban delights (order from her website - she's my friend Marta of My Big Fat Cuban Family). Memories of a Cuban Kitchen. My grandmother's church cookbook. Etc, etc.

TheHRD said...

One - Love the looks great
Two - It would look better zipped up, but I'm sure SH thinks you can pull it off half unzipped (so to speak)
Three - I never, NEVER ask for directions....and I hate myself for it!!

Lindy said...

When I first saw the picture, I thought it was suppose to be a low back dress. So maybe SH can be given the benefit of the doubt.

I agree... lovely dress. And your "budget" haircut looks great. Can you divulge the name of your salon?

Class factotum said...

Thanks HRD. I love the dress, too, and have worn it every time we have gone to the theater. It is my Good Dress.

Lindy, Carol at Salon 2100 on Hwy 100 and North is great. I don't know why she doesn't charge more than $20 for a cut, but she doesn't have a receptionist and she doesn't wash my hair before she cuts, which is fine with me because I can wash myself. Her number is 774-8988.