SH: That's not the right kind of soy sauce.
Me: It's soy sauce. Whatever.
SH: But it has blah blah blah in it.
Me: So I'll return it.
SH: You can't return soy sauce!
Me: Of course I can. It's not open and I have the receipt.*
SH: But what if they don't take it back?! [SH is a bit of a Drama King. Bless his heart.**]
Me: Then we'll give it to the Food Bank.
SH: But it's in a GLASS BOTTLE! The Food Bank doesn't take glass.
Me: Oh for pete's sake. It cost $1.50. It's not the end of the world.
SH: Why did you get this one? It's ALL WRONG!
Me: Look. Do you know how many different soy sauce options there are at the Vietnamese store? I was standing at that section for at least seven minutes, looking for a low sodium, no preservative, not made in China*** option that didn't cost $5 a bottle. This woman saw me, left, then came back and asked if I needed help and at first I thought to say no but then I thought what the heck and I said yes. She's from Hong Kong. She told me that this was what she uses at home and likes it so I got it. She moved to Milwaukee from Austin seven years ago and hates it here but her husband's job is here. She wants to go back to Texas. She was making plantains in sweetened condensed milk for dessert. She seemed nice.
SH: How do you know all this stuff?
Me: I talk to people. Don't you?
* Of course they took it back. Then the clerk asked me if I wanted to get another bottle and I told her no, my husband was in charge of all future soy sauce purchases in our house.
** See the Southern definition of "Bless his/her heart."
*** We prefer our food without antifreeze.