Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Marriage 201, Lecture 913: The purpose of a pretzel roll

SH: But you don't even eat the pretzel roll with the brat.

Me: So?

More of David and Pat's Rome. They're smoking! Oh no!

SH: That's the purpose of a pretzel roll!

Me: No it's not.

SH: Yes it is!

Me: Then why is it called a pretzel roll and not a brat roll?

SH is stunned into silence. Ha.

Me: The purpose of a pretzel roll is to be eaten.

SH: WITH a brat.

Me: I like to eat mine separately. So I can enjoy the flavors better. Leave me alone.


Gary said...

Sigh. You need to learn how to eat Brats, and I quote from the definitive Bratwurst pages, http://www.bratwurstpages.com/brats.html

If a Pretzel Roll is a Brat Bun, then it is designed for a Brat. Hot dogs are against the law in Wisconsin. Or at least only eaten by social outcasts.

How to Serve Bratwurst
Brats are served on a bun, dressed with condiments, and accompanied by classic side dishes. There are rules to be followed, and if you break them in the presence of a Wisconsin bratwurst connoisseur, you will be considered a culinary pissant (sorry to get stuffy here and use words derived from French, but that's the way it is).
Rule #1: Do not serve bratwurst on a hot dog bun! Brats are eaten on a brat bun, or in Sheboygan, on a Sheboygan hard roll, which is based on a Bavarian semmel roll. Brat buns resemble hot dog buns, but are larger and more substantial and chewy, and are designed to hold a single brat. Sheboygan hard rolls are moderate-sized round buns, suited to the Sheboygan-style double-brat sandwich. In Sheboygan, most folks put two brats on a round roll. In the rest of Wisconsin, they put one brat on a brat bun. Both types have a golden brown surface and are substantial enough to hold onto the brats, condiments, and for most folks in Sheboygan - lots of butter (This is not low-calorie cuisine). For those of you who live outside Wisconsin, it can be nearly impossible to find a proper brat bun or Sheboygan hard roll, so you'll have to take matters into your own hands. Here's a recipe.

Rule #2: Do not put yellow mustard on a brat! It is an abomination. The classic mustard for brats is a brown Wisconsin German-style Düsseldorf, medium to dark in color and pungency, slightly sweet-sour and sometimes flavored with herbs. Dijon is also nice.

Beyond those two rules, which are widely accepted in Wisconsin, there are differences of opinion, especially between Sheboygan (self-proclaimed Bratwurst Capital of the World), and the rest of the state.

Typical condiments outstate include any combination of chopped onion, sauerkraut, ketchup, and mustard.

In Sheboygan, brats are typically dressed with "da works" - ketchup, mustard, chopped onion and pickle. Saurkraut as a topping is frowned upon.

It should be noted that some folks consider ketchup on a brat to be an abomination; similar to how connoisseurs of hot dogs feel.

Class factotum said...

MY POINT EXACTLY, GARY. It's NOT called a brat roll. It's called a pretzel roll.

Jan said...

My MIL cooks brats in beer and serves them with sauerkraut; they are NASTY.

Sorry, I'm a poor, humble Texas girl; I like barbecue brisket. And potato salad. And fried okra.

And I'm stuck in the land of pasta and marinara sauce. *sobs quietly*

Class factotum said...

Jan, your MIL is not doing it right. Come to our house. My uncle is a butcher and makes fabulous venison brats. You'll like them. I promise.

Class factotum said...

PS We ate out Sat night. I saw a guy wearing a Texas flag shirt. SH thought it was tacky but he is like that. I stopped at the guy's table on the way out and told him his shirt made me homesick.

Bonnie said...

I'm gonna agree with Annette on this one. The purpose of a pretzel roll is to be enjoyed with or without a brat!!!!!! Yummmm!!! Venison brat... the best and I've only had it once in my lifetime... ;-)

Gary said...

Barbequed brisket is wonderful. Okra in any form is not... I need to plan my next brisket smoke. Speaking of Texas, I prefer to use Texas BBQ Rub on my brisket.