Friday, February 05, 2010

Chats du jour: Banished

How it works at our house. If SH doesn't come to bed with me, he stays up late to work. Or to go out for a beer or two and to sing. And then he works some more. He comes to bed at 2:00. Or 3:00. Or 5:00.

Yes. He is a crazy man.

An armful of sleepy cats.

But it works for him.

The cats sleep with us. Or me, really.

But they wake up at 6:30 or so, way before we want to get out of bed. That would be fine if they would just sit quietly in bed, but if they are awake, they want to do things like eat. Or climb all over the furniture. Or sit on us and purr.

That is not in our plan.

So what happens is that we throw them into the basement at 4:00 or so, depending.

They have figured this out. Usually, we can catch them while they are sleeping, but last night, SH didn't come to bed until 5:00 and they were already up. I had just gone to the bathroom, so I was awake.

I hear SH's footsteps as he came down the stairs.

So do the cats.

Laverne jumps off the bed. Runs around. Tries to hide. Can't find anywhere. Oh no!

She jumps back onto the bed. Circles. Circles. Comes over to me. Forget it, honey. I'm not giving you shelter.

Jumps off the bed again. Thuds to the floor. Laverne is not graceful. Runs under the chair by the door. Yeah. Because SH will never think of looking for her there.

In the meantime, Shirley has stealthily crept to under the middle of the bed and is not making a sound. She'll sacrifice Laverne. No loyalty.

SH opens the door. The cats hold their breath. Maybe he'll forget. Ha.

SH pokes around in the dark. Cusses softly. Turns on the closet light and opens the door a crack.

"I'm awake," I say. "Don't worry. Shake their food container. That will lure them out."

He goes into the kitchen, rattles the food container. Laverne is tricked. He grabs her and throws her down the stairs.

Shirley, who cannot figure out why she can't open a latched door and will paw at it and cry in frustration for minutes, is no fool when it comes to food. We have never fed them at this hour. Why would we start now? She stays under the bed.

SH gets on his stomach and reaches. Shirley shrinks back. He finally gets the yardstick and swipes her out.

They get their revenge. At 8:00 a.m., they start crying and crying and crying. If they're not sleeping in our bed, neither are we.


lauren said...

i have a feeling we're in for a similar drama; joe's decided the little one is banished tonight because he has to be up early tomorrow and can't handle the kitten-in-the-face wake-ups. his theory is that moving the nightstand away from the bed (steve's too little to jump all the way up on his own) will be enough. because...kittens don't meow? i'm already amused.

(your girls are so cute!)

John0 Juanderlust said...

One word (or so): sopa del gato

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Kitties......they're all like a bunch of 2 year olds. I have to chase all of mine out of my room every night and shut the door. And then half the time one of them scratches at the door crying for their mommy.

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