Saturday, April 24, 2010

I could never let go of my ego

I don't want to be ugly, but yoga is the stupidest exercise class I have ever attended.

I went yesterday. My YMCA finally stopped charging extra for yoga and pilates and all the other trendy classes, so I thought I'd give them a try. No, I have not tried pilates yet, but if it's full of that touchy-feely stuff, I am not interested.

I hated the class for many reasons. First of all, you have to take off your shoes and socks. I do not get squeamish about many things,* but standing barefoot in a place where strangers have been barefoot before me is one of the few things that grosses me out. I hate showering in a shower that has not been cleaned since the previous person used it, if that previous person is unknown to me. I don't mind using the shower of a friend, but no strangers, please. I clean the shower in the guest bath every time we have company just in case someone else has the same neurosis.

So yeah - I don't want to be barefoot AT THE GYM where everyone else has been sweaty barefoot before me. Plus I need a pedicure and I didn't want everyone looking at my gnarly toes.

Second, the music is stupid. It's quiet and relaxing and hello, this is an exercise class, I don't need to be relaxed. I especially do not want to be relaxed by rap yoga music. Yes. Rap yoga music exists. You'd think the "rap" and the "yoga" would cancel each other out, but this is not the case.

Third, it's boring. You strike a pose and hold it. And hold it. And hold it.

Fourth, and this is the main reason I HATE YOGA, is the instructor does not shut up. It would be OK if she were telling us what move to do next, but she's not. She talks constantly - constantly - saying things about "Honoring your space" and "Let go of your ego" and "Find your center" and "Be at peace with yourself and if you're at peace with yourself, you'll be at peace with others because we are all connected."

I wanted to punch her in the nose.

I will not be returning. My shoe-covered feet and I will stick with boot camp.

* I don't get bothered at other people's blood, but I can't stand my own and I can't watch someone getting a shot in the movies. I can, however, remove my hair from the draintrap in the shower, change a diaper, or fix a clogged toilet with no problem.


Anonymous said...

Our cousin Pauline is a top notch, certified yoga instructor. She wants me to attend one of her classes next time I'm in the tundra. She looks totally amazing, sexy & is very peaceful....there may be something to this...(I personally want to 'jump around & sweat' when I exercise--I don't like it when you have to 'learn technique' to exercise...) White-Chocolate

TosaGuy said...

I have some flexibility and strength issues in my back after my all-expenses paid, year-long Middle Eastern vacation. Yoga has done wonders for it, but I agree with you about all the gibberish. I tune that out and treat it as an hour of hardcore stretching.

Class factotum said...

WC, maybe I should go to Pauline's class. Is she in Milwaukee?

TG - If I ever go again, I am listening to Charlie Sykes on my mp3 player, no matter how rude it is.

Anonymous said...

CF--Pauline is in Wausau...Randy may know of some good yoga instructors in Milwaukee--he partakes of classes during his frequent business travels...WC

Mel said...

I don't take my socks off for yoga. People just don't need to see my feet. Honestly, I'd be thrilled if they kept their socks on, too.

I like yoga when I've gone -- gives me a much-needed period of time to wind down after the wonderful insanity that is being a mom. Though "rap yoga" would be enough to make me want to break the source of such a hideous noise.