We have another homework assignment for the writing class. Like last week's, it has to be 350 words. It is supposed to use metaphor or contrast or strong statement or something like that. I can't remember. Last week, everyone wrote about Life Lessons. Recovering From Cancer. Deciding Not To Commit Suicide. Watching a Two-Week Old Baby Die Suddenly and Unexpectedly.
Losing An 18-Week Baby To Miscarriage. The person who wrote that was a 14 year old girl, so we all fell silent as she read her piece, a little doubtful about the veracity, but respectful of her effort as we complimented her on the mechanics of her writing and wondering why she just didn't write about the mean girls in ninth grade because honestly, we've all been there and there is plenty to write about. High school (i.e, human nature) does not change.
I wrote about Putting Lipstick On A Corpse. I suppose my Life Lesson was Put A Makeup Kit In Your Funeral File.
For next week, I need another Life Lesson. I am thinking about these ideas.
1. Cutting my own hair. Don't do it. I have been learning this lesson since I was five and as recently as two years ago. I hope I am done.
2. The time that SH took the maggot-covered dead rat out of my basement and I threw bleach on the spot where the rat was because there were still maggots there. Lesson learned? Throwing bleach leads to bleach splashing back on my gym pants and little white spots near the hem.
3. When I first moved to Milwaukee, I went to SH's haircutter. I didn't like her. Life lesson? Don't use your husband's haircutter because if you break up with her and he keeps going to her, it will be awkward.
4. Pyrex is not heatproof enough to use on top of the stove, especially if it contains milk, eggs, butter and chocolate chips.
5. When I lived in Chile, I stayed home from work one day. The maid was there. (Yes, I had a maid when I was a Peace Corps volunteer.) She was cleaning the toilet with a hand brush, even though there was a perfectly good toilet brush standing behind the toilet. "Marisol," I said, "I didn't know you brought your own supplies."
"I don't," she told me.
"Then whence the brush?" I asked.
"This is the one from under the kitchen sink."
"That's the one I use for scrubbing vegetables!" I told her.
"Oh!" she said. "I'll put it back."
"Never mind," I answered. "I won't be using it any more."
I'm not sure what the Life Lesson is for that one other than maybe I now have a lifetime immunity to typhus.