Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Household hint #475

I learned something important today and I want to share it with you, even though it is gross, gross, gross, because I wouldn't want any of you to be in this situation.

You know how when you clean the cat box and scoop the poop into the newspaper plastic bag? That part is fine.

But when you put the bag outside the back door to take to the trash later, lay it gently on the ground.

Do not toss it.

Because if you toss it, the bag will tear. Not enough that the poop falls out and requires a new bag but just enough that there is a way for water to leak into the bag when it rains and sneaks into your trashcan through the broken lid* and to turn the poop into sludge that escapes the bag and coats the bottom of the trash can.

I just went out to clean it up,** with my hands covered in plastic bags, and it's not just poop, it is poop mixed with cat hair. So I guess the real moral of the story is that when you empty your vacuum cleaner or furminate your cat outside by the trash can, you still have to put the hair in a bag or else it will stick to the bottom of the trash can. Oh how I love being staff to a pair of cats.

I have told SH that I have completely earned my status as a gold-digger for at least the next year just by doing this task. I already cut the grass, clean the house, wash the clothes, do the shopping, clean the cat box and cook. When Season One of Glee arrives, I am going to sit on the basement sofa with a carton of Kopps Frozen Custard and watch the whole thing while the house falls to shambles around me.

* That the previous owner of the house, who also never covered his food in the microwave, which is missing the plastic sheet that overlays the screen inside of the door and protects the window from getting food spattered on it, so you have a filthy microwave window that you cannot clean, broke.

** The trash guys get twice as much beer this summer as they did last year. That wasn't a big enough tip to deal with kitty litter, etc, in the summer. I don't care how much they're paid.


LPC said...

OK. I am going to throw up. Are we even now that I told you that:)?

Gary said...

If you mix the poop with cat hair, you have a really strong building material. You can build your own little "sod" house for your garden implements in the backyard. It will be very green, and very cheap! Just the cost of cat food. You are on to something here...

Just make little cat poop bricks and dry them in the sun. You can make mortar from the fresher cat poop, and you're good to go.

Perhaps you could sell the bricks at the local farmers market and make some money...

Class factotum said...

LPC, we are more than even. I wasn't sure I should post this because it was so disgusting, but we know now that I have no standards.

Gary, you may be on to something. Organic, natural, local building materials. If only I had that disease where you couldn't smell anything.