Friday, June 04, 2010

Marriage 201, Lecture 502: Checkmate

SH is in Indiana for his high-school friend Doug's annual party. I've been a couple of times, but as he and Doug have known each other for over 30 years, I am a bit of a third wheel. This is a nice chance for him to hang out with an old friend and not have to worry about entertaining me.

In the meantime, I am declaring war. Ants have invaded my vegetable garden. I wouldn't mind them if they would leave me alone, but they have started it. So really, they declared war and I am defending myself. Is it unreasonable for me to expect to be able to walk unmolested in my own garden, the one I dug up last year, 12 x 19' of good grass* converted by hand into dirt mixed with sand, peat moss, and manure?

I don't think so.

Property rights are important. These little Kelo jerks are getting in my way, swarming and biting every time I put foot inside the boundaries of the rabbit fence.**

There are home remedies - instant grits, sugar mixed with borax - but I am going straight to poison. They bring a knife, I bring a gun. I don't care about being Responsible. I just want them dead.

* The bad grass is in the front yard where everyone can see it.

** Speaking of obnoxious beasts that should be shot on sight.


Michaela said...

oooh wah! Remind me never to fight with you!

Class factotum said...

Yep. Don't mess with me.

Little Miss Sunshine State said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog.
I'm loving all your stories.

TosaGuy said...

my backyard bunny appears to leave my garden alone...that must be because the mascot of my alma mater is a jackrabbit.

Laura(southernxyl) said...

I've been told that nematodes are the way to go. Although maybe not.

I'd really like to sit on my patio wearing flip-flops without having ants deliberately walk up onto my feet and bite them. And those fire ants don't play.