My sister has naturally curly hair that she BLOWS STRAIGHT. Women pay hundreds of dollars to get what she has naturally.
I don't want to make all of y'all jealous or anything, but a few weeks ago when my book club friends and I went to the beauty school to get our feet pedicured and our eyebrows waxed (fortunately, Julie has recovered just fine from that little miscalculation her student waxer made), the beauty school teacher, when summoned by my student stylist, said I had perfect eyebrows.
The student had asked the teacher exactly what she was supposed to wax off my face as my eyebrows were already perfect and the teacher was as puzzled as the student because I Have Perfect Eyebrows.
I'd always been secretly a little bit proud of my eyebrows, but now I knew that beauty professionals validated my opinion and let me tell you, there was no dealing with me and my ego on the ride home.
Before you start hating on me, though, let me tell you what I am considering spending $100 on because it is not perfect:
My hair used to be perfect - see photos above of the four year old Class Factotum rocking a bikini. Naturally blonde, silky, smooth hair.
What do I have now? If not for Clairol #24 Clove, I would have drab, mousy, graying hair. Thanks to science's diligent efforts that allow us to reclaim hair and fool men into thinking we are still fertile, I have rich brown hair. Except at the roots around my hairline, of course. Nothing I can do about that but be eternally vigilant, but eternal vigilance is the price of hair freedom.
What I don't have is silky, smooth hair.
And I thought there was no way to reclaim that hair. Sure, I can use my straight iron to smooth it, but there is only so much cooking you can do of your hair before it is destroyed.
Then I heard about the Brazilian Blowout and no, it's not what you think. Or what I thought.
It is a hair treatment that makes your hair smooth and silky.
My friend Marta had it and made a little movie about the experience. My friend Ilene had it.
I want it.
It costs $150. Or $100, as my hairstylist's colleague said she would charge me because I don't have long hair.
Which I was thinking, OK, that's not sooo much money, especially if I accept the pay for being a poll worker, although I was planning not to cash the check because seriously? it is a privilege to live in a country where we run the government and I consider it an honor to work at the polls. I didn't even know it was a paid position. Plus it's too much trouble to deal with the tax implications and it's not like I don't have the time available.
But. I could take that $47.50, $23 after taxes, and apply that to a blowout.
Except the cost doesn't end with the blowout. Once it's done, you have to use special shampoo. Which is not the special shampoo I already use to keep the Clairol #24 Clove from fading too quickly. It's probably expensive shampoo.
How much is good hair worth?