Saturday, October 30, 2010

I fear for our country part 2

Shirley often makes the little old lady "Where are my teef?" face, but I have no photos of such. Hence the "Is this for cats?" photo instead.

The Stupid Woman* at poll worker training had a Stupid Man with her. His response, during roll call (why? why? why call 150 names at the end of a meeting rather than having people sign in?), after his wife, Stupid Woman, had been called and she had answered, "Here," and when his name was called next for indeed they were listed together, was

Nothing.

He didn't answer.

The clerk called his name again, looking at Stupid Woman and Stupid Man, thinking, probably, that Stupid Woman had answered and that the man sitting next to her might be Stupid Man and why wasn't he responding?

Stupid Woman said, "He's here!" and nudged Stupid Man.

"Why didn't you say anything?" she hissed at him.

"Because they said only one per family!" he answered.

What?

The clerk stared at him. I stared at him. (I had abandoned all subtlety by this point, plus I wanted to make sure I heard correctly. I was wearing an earplug. I'll explain.) Was he referring to an earlier discussion that one checking account per family was fine for a married couple both working at the polls? Who knows? Eye-rolling stupid.

Now you want to know why I was wearing an earplug.

I was sitting next to a little old lady who kept smacking her gums. It was that "Where are my teef?" smacking, except she was wearing her teeth, bless her heart.

She kept smacking and smacking and smacking and I wanted to smack her because that wet smacking chewing sound grosses me out almost as much as taking a shower in a tub that has not been cleaned since the previous bather if that bather is not someone in my family or a close friend.

I tried turning my head away from Smacking Old Lady, but I could still hear her. I casually covered my right ear with my hand. I could still hear her plus my arm, which is still suffering from tennis elbow, which you can get even if and probably because you are a really bad tennis player, started to hurt.

I reached into my purse and pulled out an earplug.

Of course I always travel with earplugs. Don't you? What if you are on a plane and there is a crying baby? There is always a crying baby on my plane. Nothing you can do about it - their ears hurt and they cry and that's that - but I can try to muffle the noise. I also carry drugs and a Swiss army knife. And sunblock. A handkerchief. Safety pins. Pens. But I will not lend you my pen at the airport. You didn't know you would have to complete the customs/immigration form? Too bad. You're a grownup. Carry your own pen. I am not your pen supplier.

I put the earplug in my right ear and turned away from smacking lady. You would think that it would have been harder to hear the Stupid Questions from Stupid Woman and Stupid Man - but I still caught them all and wrote them down so I could share the pain with you.





* Please know that I do not use the word "stupid" lightly, but the evidence shows that this woman and her husband fit the bill. I also think stupid people have the right to vote - everyone deserves representation in our government. Sometimes I think stupid is over-represented, but that is a topic for a political blog, which this is not.

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