Sunday, February 13, 2011
Marriage 301, Lecture 601: Snowshoeing uses dedicated muscles that hurt the next day and SH whines, whine, whines his way onto the TV
This is how it works at our house. Five weeks before an event, I ask SH if he wants to participate. For example, in January, I emailed him the link to a story about a snowshoeing/critter tracking class being held at a park. "Do you want to do this?" I asked. "I think it looks like fun." Which I do - I want to be able to identify all the animal tracks in the snow in our back yard.
SH agrees that indeed it would be fun and we should do it. He even picks the date, seeking a Saturday early enough in February that there will still be snow (hahahaha) and late enough that it won't be too cold (also hahahaha).
Through a series of unfortunate events, we end up taking our groupon Palermo Pizza tour this Friday (which ended with two huge pieces of really good pizza apiece and why didn't we buy the Biscuits and Gravy pizza while we were at the factory and had the chance?) and we get play tickets for this Sunday.
Saturday morning, SH wakes up and starts to whine that he doesn't feel good he doesn't want to go snowshoeing can't he ever just have a lazy weekend and relax?
Fine! I snap. You don't have to go, whiner! But tell me right now that you're not going so I can call Dawn or [my neighbor's 12 year old son] to use your ticket.
I dunno, he says, and drinks more coffee as he flips through one of his many car magazines. Honestly, how can there be a magazine completely devoted to cars? The equivalent magazine for me would be a magazine devoted to shoes or purses and guess what? Such magazines don't exist! And if they did, they would be boring. Because the fun thing about shoes and purses is using them - and admiring them as they sit on the shelf in your closet in the tiny little space that you get behind the 132 blue shirts - not in reading about them.
At noon, I tell him he is going because it's too late to call someone else.
Fine, he says. But I'm not taking a shower.
We get to the park and sit through a slightly boring lecture on the history of snowshoes. We are bored and the seven Girl Scouts who are in the class working on their Winter Activities badge are even more bored. Then the naturalist tells us about different kinds of animal tracks and we all perk up for that is why we are there.
There is a man with a TV camera. His station is doing a series on fun things to do in Wisconsin in the winter besides eat fried cheese curds to give yourself a Milwaukee Roll and reduce your heating bill.
In the group are seven cute Girl Scouts, four Women of a Certain Age, and SH.
Who would you rather see on a news story?
Me, too. A cute Girl Scout.
And guess who was dying to be on TV? That's right. Cute Girl Scouts.
So whom does the lazy reporter interview?
Who smiled as he said that he was taking the snowshoeing class because he was looking for a way to exercise in the winter and no, the snowshoes didn't feel odd because he's a skier and yes, this was his wife's idea but he thinks it will be really fun. No whining. Not one single whine for the benefit of the cameras. Fiction TV.