Friday, April 01, 2011

Marriage 301, Lecture 401: The toes knows

SH has been known to wear the Fluffy Socks.

For a man who has two dozen watches (including one with a Packers face) and two gajillion blue shirts, SH does not appreciate fashion the way he ought. Sure he will notice when I wear something new, but he doesn't care. He doesn't care that I wear my Lands' End Outlet red and white striped knit pants, his mustard-yellow Beer Bike long-sleeved t-shirt from college and my pink fluffy socks to bed.

He doesn't care if I wear makeup or if I don't. Doesn't care if I wear jewelry or don't, although I at least wear my wedding ring when he is around. When he is gone - well, it cramps my style so in the drawer with the toothpaste and bite guard it stays.

On the one of the hands, I suppose it is a good thing that I have a low-maintenance husband who accepts a low-maintenance wife and still finds me attractive enough for [wxyz], at least when he is not too busy with La Revolucion.

On the other of the hands, if I can't impress my husband, whom can I impress?

That's not to say he's not impressed when I dress up, but - he doesn't care. And he doesn't share my excitement when I bring home a new accessory, which takes out some of the fun. I am accessory and makeup challenged - my sister, who did my hair and makeup for my wedding, which caused SH to look at me and say, "Wow! You look different!" - which I did - got all those genes, along with the shall we say Comfy Upper Half of the Torso gene, if you know what I mean.

But the other day I came home with something new and fun and even on sale at Walgreen's, which I think most of us, at least those who do not have a big stash of cash somewhere, will appreciate because the less we spend on makeup items, the more we can spend on shoes and purses. And who doesn't want more or nicer shoes and purses?

I think the Chocolate Brown looks cool, even on my pudgy feet.

I came home with two bottles of nail polish, one orange and one chocolate brown.

Oh yes I am hip and edgy. I am au courant.

All my other polishes are pink and red.

But when I got to Walgreen's with my $1 store coupon burning a hole in my pocket, I saw the "Sale! 99 cents!" sign next to the Hip and Edgy nail polish and thought, Those are hideous.

But then I thought, Now wait a second. Maybe they're not so bad. I like chocolate brown and I like orange in other settings.
I drew closer and thought, They're Hip and Edgy. I'm Hip and Edgy! Voila!
I tested them on my thumbnails. Oooh! It looked Hip and Edgy!

I bought both bottles but paid ONLY $1 for the two! Brought them home. Slammed them triumphantly in front of SH and waved my orange and brown thumbs in front of him.

Look! I told him. Look what I got!

He glanced my way, his eyes barely stopping on the bottles.

Orange nail polish!

"I don't care," he said, as he kept opening junk mail that should have been discarded immediately.

But it's so cool! I told him.

"Don't care," he said. "Do. Not. Care."

But look! Hip! Edgy!

"Don't care."

I could not make that man care. How can he not care about something so neat? How can someone who is so picky about his shirts and his hair and his watches not care about nail polish? What is wrong with him?


Fijufic said...

On a different planet. Mabel does that and while it is interesting I can't say that is the thing that makes me care either.

I do notice when she lets her hair grow out. I love that!!!

Class factotum said...

Fuji, it seems almost all men like long hair.