The Song of Something Bad Happened.
Step 1: Define the problem
SH [as I return from my walk that was supposed to be a run but I just didn't feel like running]: Shirley's gone! I can't find her!
Me: Oh. Well, she's around here somewhere.
SH: No! I've looked all over! I think she got out!
Me: I don't know how she could have.
Step 2: Assign blame
SH: You must have let her out when you left!
Me: No, I don't think so.
Step 3: Freak out
SH: Where is she? I've shaken the food box. I've looked all over. She's gone! Our cat is gone!
Me: Shirley isn't a runner. Did you look in the basement?
SH: Yes! She's not there!
Me: She's around here somewhere.
Step 4: Demand shared freaking out
SH: You're not looking! Where is she? Oh no! OH NO!
Me: Here she is.
SH: What?! Where was she?
Me: In the closet. Didn't you look there?
SH: Yes, but she wasn't there.
Me: Yes she was. You just didn't do it right.
Step 5: Deconstruct
Me: Were you panicking while I was gone?
SH: Not out loud because you weren't here. I had ten minutes' worth of freakout stored up when you got home.
Me: If you ever run for office, your campaign slogan can be, "I panic so you don't have to." Your song can be "Le Freak."