Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Marriage 301, Lecture 630: Still hot, or, as of and to this present moment at a state of high temperature

I love my husband. I do. He is wonderful. We are very different people, he and I, in almost every way. We shouldn't work but we do. For me, it's because he's such a hottie and because he is the best sport in the world about this blog.

I don't know what his excuse is for me but there you go. Someone for everyone and apparently, his someone is me.

The things we agree on:

1. Tennis
2. Food
3. Our friends
4. My family, even though they disagree with him politically but they are polite about it and have long, deep conversations about The Issues and nobody comes out crying instead we get an invitation to come back next year and next time by gosh stay longer. We also get bratwurst.
5. Friday Night Lights
6. wxyz

The things we don't agree on are too numerous to list, but I will note one of them here:

1. Brevity is the soul of wit

Some people (=me) think this is true.

Some other human beings who live in this house (=SH) would argue what is "truth" is anyhow and who can say what is truth and why should we trust that person's judgment over someone else's and besides it is far better to explain everything in excruciating detail and explaining it in excruciating detail makes it funny.

So on Sunday evening, as I was minding my own business figuring out how to make a chocolate martini out of Kahlua, Patron coffee liqueur, coconut flavored rum and a ton of half and half (I like liquor-flavored fat - is that wrong?) - wait, I guess it was a coconut coffee martini - and SH was outside grilling the steak we had bought at the Italian grocery store on Brady Street where the butcher convinced us to buy two because dang, at $7.99 a pound, they were dirt cheap and a heck of a lot cheaper than the veal I got last week to make stuffed veal rolls that turned out to be not all that and what's the big deal with veal anyhow that people pay SEVENTEEN DOLLARS A POUND for it?

I will never be one of those people again.

1. It doesn't taste as good as steak or as the trout we got for $5.99 a pound and
2. maybe it would be OK if I hadn't overcooked it but I still don't think the flavor is that great. If I am going to mess up a recipe, I want it to be with meat that is cheaper per pound than Italian shoe leather. If I am going to make leather, it's going to be inexpensive leather.

Where was I?

Oh. Digging in the liquor cabinet in the dining room looking for Bailey's or whatever for my coffee martini and wondering why there was a can of Coke stuck way in the back - "It's a collector's can from when Boston won the World Series!" SH told me - and thanking my lucky stars that SH is not an alcoholic and drinking us out of house and home, although that wine habit is going to give me a shoe habit because fair is fair, when I heard SH come into the house and say calmly, "Don't worry. I'm just getting the fire extinguisher."

As this is the Drama King who panics when I put dishes away wet or when I leave a tiny bit of non-toxic dish soap on a plate, I took his calm tone to mean, "I am getting the fire extinguisher to show to our next door neighbors because we are having a fire extinguisher conversation," not to mean what it really meant, which was, "I am getting the fire extinguisher because the grill is on fire."

When I emerged from the dining room and after I had constructed my coffee martini, which was pretty darn good and the remains of which I had at breakfast because hey, it's dairy and coffee, which is what I usually have for breakfast, SH came back into the house and announced that it takes only one little squirt of the fire extinguisher to drown the flames emerging from the vents of the closed gas grill and it was a good thing we had a fire extinguisher because the vents don't close so there was no way to smother the fire and it was a good thing we had a fire extinguisher because what if the propane tank had exploded.

I asked if his death from exploding propane tank would count as accidental for Accidental Death & Dismemberment purposes on his life insurance because if he were to die now, that extra AD money would sure come in handy.

He said he did not know and glared at me.

Then he announced that he had gotten the steak out first. Thank goodness.

The hair on his arms was singed a tiny bit. Just enough to give off that nasty burnt hair smell that we all remember so well from the days of bad curling irons.

We tried the steak.

It was beyond delicious. Seared to the perfect doneness.

"It's like what you get at Ruth Chris," SH said. "We never cook that hot."

Back to brevity.

Here is how I noted the event on Facebook:

Two pluses to the event: SH got to use our fire extinguisher and we have a beautifully seared steak.

Here is the explanation SH added because he was convinced nobody would know what I was talking about but I know our friends are pretty smart and can figure things out:

During the first round of outdoor spring cleaning yesterday, I knew that the grill was full of grease from a long winter of cooking bacon-wrapped foods but thought the grill cleaning could wait another week or two. In this case, procrastinating was not a good idea. It is a bit scary when the flames in the gas grill are coming from the entire grill, not just the burner--but on the positive side, I've never had a fire that hot before and the steak is awesome.


Joy said...

The Magnus in Madison made the most amazing chocolate martinis. Sadly, past tense--I just learned that the restaurant closed in January.

Ohiofarmgirl said...

that is a beautiful steak.... and now back to this coffee martini...