Monday, May 23, 2011

All in vain

I don't know about you guys, but I have to admit it bothers me a little tiny bit when someone I am trying to friend on facebook does not want to be my friend back. It has been over 20 years since we last spoke, so it's not like we're close or anything, but did I do something to make her mad at me? Were we never friends? I thought we were sort of friends. She was always very nice to me. Maybe I wasn't nice to her. I don't know.

I know she is ignoring my friend request because facebook very helpfully lets you know when a person whose friendship you have requested has accepted other friend requests. With people who are not you. As in, "Reese Witherspoon is now friends with Joe Blow," the obvious subtext being, "But not with CLASS FACTOTUM HAHAHAHAHA!"

I shouldn't be so bothered, I know, as I myself have repeatedly mashed the "Ignore" button for a friend request, muttering to myself that Really? REALLY you think we can be friends after what YOU did?

And then SH asks me why I am carrying a 20 year old grudge and is it possible that I misinterpreted this person's actions?

Not that I have ever said or done anything stupid. Nope. Never have words left my mouth that I immediately wanted to grab back and stuff down my throat but it's too late they have already, to paraphrase the guy from A Christmas Story, woven a tapestry of dumb words that to this day floats over Lake Michigan, eternal in its stupidity.

Twenty three years ago, I sent a card to a colleague congratulating him on his new baby. In a what I know now vain attempt to be funny, I said that it was a good thing the baby didn't take after him. Meaning his wife was gorgeous and the baby was gorgeous but easily read as, "You are not that attractive, mister, and you sure married up."

I just looked for the guy on facebook. First, he wasn't unattractive. Not my type, to be sure. I was just trying to be funny. He now has four children, all nice looking, with two gorgeous girls. Who look like their mother. But I shouldn't have written what I wrote. Fortunately, I suspect he's over it by now. He's probably not like me and has better things to do than to dwell on ancient wrongs done to him by people who were never that important in his life anyhow.

When I was in college, I never wore my glasses because who needs to see the chalkboard when the prof is explaining how to take the derivative of whatever it is you take the derivative of? Not me! Who needs glasses when the prof is explaining how to balance a chemical equation? Not me! Who needs glasses when the prof is explaining how to calculate torque? Not me!

Which is why in the middle of my sophomore year, I changed my major to English. You don't need to see the board for English. My grades did improve. They also really improved once I started preparing for and attending class every session.

When a person doesn't wear her glasses and when a person is nearsighted, a person might not see someone waving at her across the quad. Or someone smiling at her on the sidewalk.

A person might appear to be very conceited and ignoring overtures from other persons.

The truth is a person is just very vain with bad taste in glasses.

So if I was that person who said something stupid to a new dad or who may have ignored friendly gestures because of my own stupid vanity, maybe the people who have said dumb things to me or who might have ignored me weren't really out to get me.


And maybe I need to lighten the heck up and accept their friend requests now.


Fijufic said...

Whatever works for you honestly...

Joy said...

Maybe they just don't want a ton of facebook friends. Some people use it to connect with everyone they've ever known, which is cool, and some just want it for those friends who live in distant parts but are actually still in pretty close touch, which is also cool. Don't be offended. I ignore lots of friend requests, not because I'm remembering slights (real or imagined), but because I just don't need or want to be back in touch. Like Fijufic said, whatever works.