Thursday, May 12, 2011

Marriage 301, Lecture 606: Freakout if you do, freakout if you don't


Hello chickadees. Sorry for the delayed posting. I've been busy making SH's birthday desserts: a tiramisu tart with 12 oz of cream cheese but I used lowfat cream cheese so it's not that indulgent and a chocolate mousse that has eggs so it's almost like breakfast, right?

Actually, no. I am not going to feel guilty about eating dessert. If I were hit by a bus and were lying on the road, my life ebbing away, my last thought would be, "Damn. I should have had dessert last night." Life is too long not to eat well.

Plus I had to try the cookbook my mom gave me. It's a chocolate cookbook with luscious photos in it. Mom says she has looked at the photos for years but never made anything so it was time that the book actually be used. This is in her honor.

How many of you guys leave your mom's with more stuff than you had when you arrived? I thought my carryon bag - because I am not going to pay $25 to check a bag - would be lighter on my return because I toss my Goodwill/library sale paperbacks after I have read them. I can go through a book or two on a flight plus one layover, although I don't read as much when the people watching is good and here is what I have to say to you folks at DFW and I say this as someone who wears her gym clothes for most of the day but who knows how to dress for going out in public:

First, Texans, please don't shame me like this.

Second, your bedroom slide-in slippers with the cute fur edging are for your bedroom, not for the airport.

Third, skinny jeans are not a good look for men.

Back to my mom's. I thought my suitcase would be lighter but no, it was even heavier when I returned home because my mom gave me

1. a pair of fluffy pajama bottoms that are too warm for her
2. flower bulbs from her garden that she had gotten from my grandmother's yard originally
3. the chocolate cookbook
4. a bunch of handkerchiefs and dishtowels that my grandmother had embroidered
5. some coffee that she didn't like after all
6. a big lunch

So I've been cooking. I also prepared some Parmesan-cornmeal coated chicken that I will bake later. And mashed potatoes and cauliflower with pesto I made last summer and that I better use up before this season's harvest starts. I am on a big inventory-reduction cooking program. That new deep freezer has to be cleared out before SH and I go north again this summer. My cousins and aunt and uncle are very generous with their venison bratwurst.

But the big drama today has been that I had to back the car out of the garage.

Why is that a big deal? And why did I have to do it?

SH is in Boston. He is the usual car backer outer. I hate backing it out from the garage because the garage is located at the north end of the Driveway of Death after the Straits of Narrow Driveway Surrounded by Brick Walls. Maybe when they built our house, cars were skinnier. Or maybe the owners had a horse. Don't know. But there is a 12' stretch between the garage and the street that has about 3" of clearance - unless I drive up onto my neighbor's flowerbeds, which is not a nice thing to do.

It was maybe supposed to hail yesterday. I waited and waited but the forecast didn't change so I finally surrendered and pulled the car into the garage, which of course is the easy part. Then I spent the night dreading today when I would have to remove the car from the garage.

Of course it did not hail.

But if I had left the car out, it would have hailed, maybe at 1:00 a.m.

This morning, I had to back it out. SH complains that I back up wrong and he might have a point because I am the one who bumped that van guy's fender and SH does not have accidents, although I am always prepared for death when I drive with him because he does like his speed.

It took about three times as long to back out as it did to get in and well, those hostas will never be the same, but the car is unscathed.

SH called to see if I had gotten the car out safely.

SH: You know I would have freaked out either way.

Me: I know. I was totally screwed.

SH: If the car had gotten hail damage, I would have freaked out.

Me: Yep.

SH: And if you had scratched it, I would have freaked out.

Me: I know.

SH: Although I would not have freaked out as much about hail damage as I would have about scratches. Because the hail damage is from something you didn't do. But the scratches would be because you don't back up properly.

Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be nice to me if you want tiramisu tart.

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