Thursday, May 26, 2011

There is no discipline at 9 p.m. with a freezer full of frozen custard

Y'all, I don't want to mock addicts, especially addicts who are trying to get straight, but any of you who have had any experience with addicts know they are not the most responsible people. As in, would you hire an addict? For a responsible job, I mean? I sure wouldn't. The active addicts I've seen are selfish and manipulative and even if they could do a good job, who wants to deal with those little side personality benefits?

So don't take what I say as mocking - I don't want the wrath of commenting about how I don't understand addiction and it's a disease. BS. I know some addicts who have made the very difficult path to being dry or whatever and it's been through their efforts and willpower. You can't willpower your way out of cancer now, can you? No. Addiction = choice.

Where am I going with this? I saw Steve the acupuncturist again. (Yes I know I changed his name. I just did, OK?) Steve is great. He is funny and interesting and smart. Steve is also a new experience for me because he is an orthodox Jew who will be spending some time in the south next year so we talked about the difficulty of getting a decent bagel in the south and of getting kosher food there altogether, which reminded me of the famous Yom Kippur incident at Whispering Pines Conference Center in northern Mississippi, where I went for an all-day meeting once that started with breakfast. A breakfast - this was on Yom Kippur - of cheese and sausage on a bagel. Which is so wrong in so many ways, the least of which is that it didn't even taste good.

I have not talked to many orthodox Jews, especially orthodox Jewish men. I think the rules are that they are not supposed to talk to women they're not related to, but I might be wrong on that. I am pretty sure they are not supposed to hang out at the deep end of the pool, running in the water, taking up a perfectly good lane, and then ducking their head underwater every time a woman gets to the end of the lane so they can watch her make her flip turn, REDHEADED GUY AT THE JCC POOL IN MEMPHIS. That's creepy for anyone and even more so when you think they are not supposed to be ogling women.

So Steve is my first experience with talking to an orthodox guy. I was worried yesterday when I got to the clinic, which is owned by a Hasidic Jew. There is a mezzuzah on every door. The docs are all wearing yarmulkes and have the fringe coming out from under their shirts, which I think is what the orthodox guys do. I think.

I was worried because as I walked in, I realized I was wearing a rather low-cut top in celebration of temperatures above freezing and you know, maybe that wasn't appropriate. Except I have nothing to cut to, if you know what I mean. Too late, anyhow and then I realized that he was going to be touching my bare feet when he stuck in the needles, which seems far more intimate that glancing at the smooth, almost flat expanse that makes up my bosom. No mountains these. Definitely prairie.

Steve practices out of a drug rehab clinic, something I didn't know until I arrived for my first appointment and didn't see the name "Steve" on the directory but saw only "ABC Drug and Mental Health." I think I might be the only non-rehab patient there. I am pretty sure I am the only one who would be thrilled if they would turn the TV off. Even the other adults in the waiting room didn't seem to be bothered by Barney and friends singing that stupid, stupid song.

This, too, is evidence that I am the only non-high person there because if you are on heroin, does Barney bother you? I bet not. Maybe the TV is a test of sobriety? The other patients give a urine sample every visit, apparently, but I argued against that little requirement for myself and won. But maybe while they wait for the test results, they have the patients watch TV and if they show any annoyance at Barney, the docs know that the patient is sober.

Back to Steve. He advised that I try yoga as a way to prevent my headaches and I have taken his advice. Here is what I have found:

I thought running was the dullest exercise on earth. Until I tried yoga.

But - I have not had a headache since my second acupuncture session and since I started the yoga. Coincidence, probably. It is not unheard of for me to go a week without a headache. Not usual, but not impossible. I will wait for more evidence before I go from coincidence/correlation to causation.

After Steve poked the needles in my feet yesterday, we talked about Next Steps. He doesn't think I should have acupuncture every week - maybe once a month in what he called a "California tuneup" if it appears to be working. He is convinced that it is the yoga, anyhow.

Then he told me that I am obviously a very disciplined person and he is comfortable that I will continue the yoga.

Which made me think that maybe he has gotten too used to dealing with addicts if he thinks I am "disciplined."


LPC said...

How you manage to find an acupuncturist, in Wisconsin, who is also an Orthodox Jew, only the universe and the spirits of You Gotta Be Kidding can tell us.

Class factotum said...

He's next door to the Wisconsin Synod pastor/reiki master/fortune teller. :)

Ilke said...

Your posts crack me up, lady!
I tried acupuncture for my headaches (which happened very frequently), it did not cure much. I never felt that it actually worked. I laid there, let some guy stick needles and paid for some BS about how I should cut stress out of my life. But never tried yoga, since I end up laughing at the poses and people! Chiro kina worked for me when they adjusted my neck and back with Proadjuster - NO manual adjustment.