Friday, May 06, 2011

We got the real estate, they got the music

Remember how I have griped and griped about how crummy the music is in the Catholic church and if I ever convert, it will probably be so I can get some good music like the Lutherans, Episcopalians, and Presbyterians have? Baptists have good music, too, but that might be going a little far for a Catholic girl.

And remember how I have griped about how the music when I was a kid was not so bad and why is it so bad now? I really didn't remember being subjected to Marty Haugen and David Hass and the Gather hymnal when I was a kid. I didn't. I don't have that great a memory, so I thought I was just remembering wrong, but now I know I WAS RIGHT.

I am at my mom's in Colorado Springs. She had a minor outpatient surgery yesterday and is just fine, thank you, although I cannot take her out in public because it looks like she has been beaten with a tire iron and I don't want anyone to call the po-po on me.

Oh. While we are on the subject of minor outpatient surgeries, let me say this:

1. If you want me at your stupid surgical center at 6 o'clock in the a.m., then by golly, make sure you are ready for me at 6 o'clock in the a.m. Do not make my mother and me sit and twiddle our thumbs while you turn on your computer and the TV which we don't want anyhow as neither of us are big TV watchers and actually like public places especially at 6 o'clock in the A.M. to be QUIET. Do not make us wait while you find her paperwork. Do not make us wait until 7:15 a.m. to take her into the next room to wait for the doctor, who is not even there yet.

2. Better yet, tell us to be there at 7:30 a.m., which is [Actual Surgery Time of 8:00 a.m.] - [Thirty Minutes of Paperwork and Prep]. We do have better things to do at that time of day, like sleep.

3. If you are going to make me be at your stupid surgical center at 6 o'clock in the a.m., then have some coffee waiting. Not saying you have to offer coffee, but if you do have it and if you did tell my mom that you would have it, then have it ready, please. At 6:10 o'clock in the a.m. at the latest. And would a small container of half and half or milk break the bank? I don't think so. That powered stuff is vile. I have already cut diet Coke out of my diet. The doc said to try gluten free. So I am without crispy refreshing cold caffeine and without bagel. I want some darn coffee.

Back to the music. I did not remember the abysmal atrocious horrible drivelly Gather hymnal from when I was a kid and guess what? It's because we were not subject to it! I was poking through my mom's bookshelves and found the Book of Worship for US Forces - the hymnal put together by the Armed Forces Chaplains Board.

No wonder we had good music when I was a kid! We were sharing a hymnal with the Protestants!

The way church works on a military base is that there is a chapel. The chapel is used by the Catholics and the Protestants. I don't know if the Jews used it, not because there would have been a problem from the Christian side but because I don't know if there were enough Jews on base for a minyan. I think that's the right word - basically, a quorum for the service. Which I also don't know if is necessary for every worship service. But I knew only one Jewish family who lived near us. I babysat for them and they were so excited when I mentioned that we had new neighbors with a daughter named Sabra. They thought that the neighbors might be Jewish. They weren't - they just liked that name.

Anyhow, when there is a Protestant service, they put a cross behind the alter. After that one is over, they replace the cross with a crucifix. All the other decor is not specific to any religion. Nothing else is switched out - hymnals, whatever. Well, the chaplain is switched out. You, as the taxpayer, wouldn't want separate supplies for each service anyhow because that would be a bit wasteful.

So that's it: that's why we had good music when I was a kid. Marty Haugen and David Haas must not have anything on the Armed Forces Chaplains Board because there is not a single Marty Haugen or David Haas song in that hymnal. The only reason I can think of why anyone would buy anything written by those guys is that they have no other choice.


Brian said...
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John0 Juanderlust said...

I've had occasion recently to see what's up in a Lutheran church out here, and I was shocked to see a bunch of the stuff you loathe; Marty Haugen and, I think, even that Haas character. My friends seem to like it. I think most hymns I've seen there were written by very disturbed and peculiar people. I can't imagine turning that stuff in and saying, "Hey, mind asking the congregation to sing these tunes?"

I'm not likely to join a church any time soon.

John0 Juanderlust said...

BTW I hope Factotum Sr is doing well after the tire iron beating. Why she puts up with your abuse, I'll never know.

Class factotum said...

John, The Big Factotum puts up with me because she has no choice.