Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Marriage 301, Lecture 553: Have fart will travel

Yes, this happened a few weeks ago. SH is out of town, remember?

SH: Ooops! I'm sorry!

Me: What?

SH: I farted.

Me: So?

SH: It's bad. I'll move so it won't bother you.

Me: It's too late! It's already out. It doesn't follow you, you know.

PS I am in the middle of watching a movie on amazon prime. I forgot what it's called, but it's a mildly-entertaining flick with Brittany Murphy playing an English chick. Her roommate goes to a therapist for help with his relationships or lack thereof and the therapist defines relationships in terms of farts:

1. The beginning, when neither person farts and both people are perfect (and on their best behavior)
2. The honeymoon, where your partner's farts are cute
3. Reality, where farts are annoying

Wait! I found it! The movie is Love and Other Disasters. From

Therapist: Relationships are best measured by farting.

Peter Simon: Excuse me?

Therapist: The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting. Stage one is the conspiracy of silence. This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. This illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy, "Ooh, did you fart," followed by the sheepish admission of truth. This heralds a period of deeper intimacy. A period I like to call the "Fart Honeymoon", where both parties find each other's gas just the cutest thing in the world. But, of course, no honeymoon can last forever. And so we reach the critical fork in the fart. Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved. Do you see what I'm getting at?


LPC said...

Hey, I have a favorite Brittany Murphy movie. It's called "Ramen Girl." The best part is the Japanese actor who plays the cook. He's brilliant.

Class factotum said...

L, that movie is on amazon prime. Should I watch it?

LPC said...

Totally. With the right expectations. Dumb movie, really good performance by the Japanese star. He's won the Japanese Oscar, been nominated repeatedly, has a comedy show that's been on for ages. In my opinion his presence is phenomenal.

Kathy said...

I'm 50 freaking years old and I still find farts amusing. Except my dog's. They're just awful. Thanks for the laugh.

Class factotum said...

Kathy, Laverne, Cat #1, had a farting problem when we first got her. It was really, really bad. And it was constant! We were worried she would be a forever farter, but we changed her food and she stopped. Farty McFarter, we called her.

LPC, I watched the movie and yes, you are correct - the cook makes the movie. The Japanese characters are good - Brittany and her weird friends do nothing to advance the plot. But I liked the cook and the glimpse into Japanese culture (and the godfather-like ramen blessing giver).

LPC said...

I was just thinking, "Did class factotum watch that movie?" Seriously, I was. I hope you enjoyed it in that limited context.

Class factotum said...

LPC, I did enjoy and it made me hungry. I talked to SH last night and told him he needs to get a work trip to Japan so I can go with him. Oh, the gold-digging life I lead.