Sunday, October 16, 2011
Chats du jour: What goes down must come up
I don't want to gross anyone out, so stop reading right now if you don't like to think about CAT VOMIT. This is a CAT VOMIT post. I am going to talk about CAT VOMIT.
If you are still reading and don't like what you read, it's your own fault. You were warned.
Cat vomit. Let's think about that. Let's think about human vomit. When you need to throw up, which we all hope is rarely if ever - my friend Anita bragged that she had never thrown up but then there was the white wine and beer incident in Willy's Pub in college, where do you go?
Straight to the toilet, right?
Unless you go to the sink, which happened when I was at a friend's house once. I wasn't the vomiter. It was her father in law. I was the person who discovered the vomit. As I was a guest and as I had not created the mess, I felt no obligation to clean it, although I did feel bad for my friend. I went into the kitchen and whispered in her ear that someone had thrown up in the bathroom sink. My work was done. Perhaps I should have cleaned it, knowing now what I know about her in-laws and how very difficult those situations can be, but I was not as good a friend as I should have been.
Which brings us to the question: How good a friend do you have to be to clean vomit of an unknown provenance from your friend's bathroom sink?
Very very good, I would think.
And the next question: Why would you vomit in the sink when there is a toilet right next to the sink? Who vomits in a sink? That's just rude, people, and it's even ruder to do it and then 1. not clean up the mess and 2. not tell anyone about it so the next bathroom user has to discover it.
But I said I was going to talk about cat vomit and I will.
Laverne is the cat equivalent of that sink vomiter.
My bathroom rug is hanging on the clothesline at this very moment, being rained on. The original plan was to hang it there until the vomit was dry, knock the vomit off, and then wash the rug. Now it looks like the vomit will be rained off, which is fine with me. And yes, I will still wash the rug. I have a very high gross out threshold, but I do draw the line at not washing with soap items that have been vomited on.
Why was the rug vomited on?
Because it wasn't the wood floor in the kitchen, which was where Laverne started to heave and make that cat vomiting sound that all cat owners know and hate. I heard the sound and I heard her run into the bathroom, which has a tile floor, 40% of which is covered with the cute little blue rug with fish that we got in Morocco and was certainly never intended to serve as a cat vomitorium.
She ran from the place where it would have taken three minutes to clean the mess - albeit with gagging - to the place that needs washing in a machine.
And she did this when I was one minute away from getting into the shower to wash the Clairol #24 Clove color chemical from my hair.
Laverne is in the doghouse with me.
Laverne is also the reason we have not had baba ganoush, that great eggplant dip, in our house for two years. The only time that Laverne has vomited on an easy-to-clean surface (she usually goes for the basement carpet, which is even worse than the bathroom rug) was when, for 35 seconds, I turned my back on the opened container of just-made baba ganoush on the kitchen counter.
The next thing I knew, I heard cat vomiting noises. Laverne had eaten half the baba ganoush (maybe it was more than 35 seconds) and was in the process of returning it to the original container.* Where I could not differentiate between the unconsumed and the post-consumption baba ganoush. Which almost made me throw up myself.
I threw it all away, bleached the counter, and have not made baba ganoush since.
Sometimes I wonder if cats are worth it.
* I told you this would get gross.