Sunday, October 02, 2011

Marriage 401, Lecture 312: Infield fly confusion

This is why I take a book with me when I join SH in the basement to watch a baseball game.

Me: Wait. Why didn't that one count?

SH: Because it's after noon and after noon, the ball has to travel 450 feet at a 34 degree angle for it to count.

Me: I thought they had to wait until the ball was caught to run.

SH: This was a sacrifice fly. And there are two outs. So they can run then.

Me: Why wasn't he out?

SH [rolls eyes]: Because it's the first Saturday in October and on the first Saturday in October, anyone who slides into second base in the fourth inning has to be tagged on the body. They can't just tag the base.

Me: But what about-

SH: He's wearing a purple earring. See it? If you wear a purple earring, then the popup foul ball rule only applies in odd numbered innings.

Me: And the-?

SH: His knickers are pulled up over his knees. That gives you an exception from the full moon line drive rule. As long as the refreshment stand has sold more than 5,000 brats. With mustard. No sauerkraut.

Me: But the-?

SH: As long as they try this after the sausages have run. Now, if the chorizo wins, then they can't do it. But if the Polish sausage wins, then they actually get extra points.

Me: What about-?

SH: I cannot believe you just don't get baseball. It is not that complicated. Look! The pitcher has a tattoo on his neck but the batter has one on his head. Of course the batter has priority in that. But only if the catcher has no tattoos. If the catcher has tattoos, then they defer to the first baseman.

Me: It seems kind of silly to me.

SH: It's not. These rules make perfect sense.


SH said...

No, a sacrifice fly can only happen when there are FEWER than two outs! But maybe sacrifice flies should be allowed at Miller Park even with two outs after the bratwurst wins.

Ptolemy said...

You need a "Like" button... I don't have something brilliant to say, but this was VERY funny!