Saturday, October 29, 2011

Marriage 401, Lecture 731: Wining revenge


Doorbell rings. It's the front door. Usually, I don't answer the front door because our friends and neighbors all come to the side door. Front door people are usually carrying clipboards and we all know what that means.

Although I did actually drive away the blesshisheart Seventh Day Adventist guy once. I was bored and he was talking about South America and poverty, an issue on which I have opinions and on which I had not had anybody to share those opinions with. After three minutes of my ideas, the SDA guy looked at his watch, mumbled something, and left.

I also had the pleasure of forcing a Texpirg guy to admit he didn't have a clue about what he was talking about. OK, he didn't actually say those words, but I asked him several trenchant, very relevant questions about the issue and he could not answer them. Although when someone is making minimum wage to go door to door, I don't really expect him to have any understanding of the issues.

But I knew SH was expecting a wine shipment from his wine of the month club.

If it were bacon of the month, at least I could participate.

I opened the door to find the UPS guy bracing the box against the outside wall.

UPS guy [with a Bronx accent, of all things]: I was expecting you to show up with a glass in your hand.

Me [long pause]: This? Is not my wine. It goes with my husband's collection in the basement. Three hundred bottles. I don't drink.

UPS guy: Wow. That's a lot of wine.

Me: I need to get revenge.

UPS guy: Buy yourself a new bag. Prada.

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