Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Wisconsin 101: Nice manners, buddy

I drove into the airport parking lot next to another car. He was on my left and was poking along, inching forward and then stopping. I saw a space 20 yards ahead and was aiming for it, but I was going to have to cut across Car #2's path to get there. He was going so slowly that I thought I could make it, but then I thought, Well, I'll just stop, signal and wait for him to turn. He obviously hasn't seen the space or he would have been going faster. He'll see me and my signal and know what I'm doing.

Ha. I was wrong. And stupid. I should have risked being broadsided by an idiot driver because when I stopped, he finally paid attention. And saw the space. Which I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR. IT WAS MY SPACE. MINE.

He took it. I couldn't believe it. I yelled at the back of his car.

Then I drove past him and up and down the rows, looking for another space. I made the mistake of turning into a row behind the shuttle. Which was stopped. And which stayed stopped because guess why? The guy who stole my space was walking up behind me and waving to the shuttle.

The signs say "Shuttle picks up at shelters only."

The guy didn't want to wait at the shelter. He wanted the shuttle to wait for him. To walk there. While I waited. I glared at him and he glared back.

When I got into the airport, I thought I had picked my security line wisely - always go in the line with the most men with briefcases and the fewest children and older ladies.

Oh no. I was behind an older lady who apparently had not read a single one of the warning signs in the line telling her that she had to remove her liquids from her luggage.

So she was rummaging through her suitcase while it was on the conveyor belt in front of the x-ray machine.

And the rest of us were having to carry our bins around her to feed them through the machine.

It was one of those days when you want your three zaps. You know what a zap is: it is the power to vaporize without penalty any person who annoys you, such as a guy who steals your parking space, a woman who drives all the way to the end of the merging lane on the highway and expects to be let in even though everyone else merged a long way back because that's the polite thing to do, and the woman who blocks the flow of luggage, boots, purses and computers on the x-ray conveyor belt.

It gets worse.

I got on the plane and who was sitting next to me?

Parking space stealing guy.

You know what was worse?

He turned out to be nice.

I guess I'm glad I didn't run him over.

1 comment:

John0 Juanderlust said...

Yea, nice when he could get punched and has to be face to face. The true test is that he wasn't nice when he could get away with being a jerk without consequence. Probably a terrorist. Or he works in DC.