Friday, October 28, 2011

Wisconsin 101: What to do when you don't want to rake leaves

This is what it's like trying to write a bestselling novel when you have a cat:

1. Sit down at the computer.
2. Read facebook for a little while.
3. Open The Novel which of course is NOT BASED on any real events or real people who would be horribly ticked off to find their nasty ways exposed. It is FICTION.
4. Find the page you were working on.
5. Let Laverne out.
6. Find the page you were working on.
7. What should happen next? Is this dialogue natural? How does this --
8. Let Laverne in.
9. How does this scene advance the plot?
10. Yell at Laverne to stop drinking the yogurt-flavored water in the sink.
11. Maybe this scene is just funny and needs to be in the story because it's funny.
12. Yell at Laverne to LEAVE THOSE TOMATOES ALONE!
13. Could this scene count as character development? I like this scene.
15. Get up and hide the tomatoes in the microwave.
16. Go to the next scene and try to re-focus.
17. Oh. A reference to someone I knew in junior high. I wonder what she's doing now. Is she on facebook? Yes, but profile hidden. What about the google? Oh well I never liked her anyway after she decided we weren't going to be friends with Kelly C and then a year later, she decided she wasn't going to be friends with me.
18. Jump up to keep Laverne from knocking my mp3 player from the counter to the floor, which she wants to do because it's fun to knock things from the counter to the floor.
19. Push cat away from computer, where she has decided she is going to lounge because it is warm there.
20. Push cat away from my arm, which she LOVES, and away from computer mouse. Cat resists. Push again. Cat asks why am I being so mean?
21. Maybe I should just find a corporate job instead.

PS Please follow The Class Factotum on facebook. Thank you.


Stuart said...

"21. Maybe I should just find a corporate job instead"

Have I taught you nothing? :)

Class factotum said...

Stuart, when I read your brilliant comments, I often think of the woman I saw in the locker room at the gym trying to manage three squirming little girls. She looked enviously at my business suit and heels. I looked back and said, "We both deal with shit all day. The only difference is that yours is literal."

And the other difference is, of course, that I was paid to deal with it and she was not.