Wednesday, December 07, 2011

People Who Aren't Doing It Right #872

I know this guy would Do It Right.

Grrr. Every time I look at my microwave, I get so mad. The door is filthy and I cannot clean it. There is grease and tomato sauce on the inside of the window, inside the grill.

Why is there grease and tomato sauce on the inside of the window? Not because SH and I microwave food without covering it. Because we don't. We keep the microwave wax paper in there and use it until it is unusable.

But because

1. The man who renovated our house and installed the new appliances bought the appliances at the scratch and dent center, which is just fine, but he either did not think or did not bother to think that perhaps the full name of the scratch and dent center should really be the "Scratch, Dent, and Missing Pieces Center," for what is wrong with the microwave is that it is missing the piece of film that covers the honeycombed screen that keeps death rays from leaving the microwave and rendering my eyeballs infertile and also keeps grease and tomato sauce from penetrating the honeycomb screen and soldering themselves permanently to the glass. On the inside. Where one cannot clean even with a toothbrush. And no, I cannot remove the honeycomb screen. I have tried. If it won't pop out with the help of a screwdriver, it is not meant to pop out is my motto.

2. The man who sold us our house, a 27 year old bachelor who never once used the stove or so I surmise because it was sparkling clean and he was not a cleaner - can I say DISGUSTING BASEBOARDS?, but who sat shirtless every single night against the wall in his bedroom - not against the headboard but against the wall - and left back-shaped grease stains on the new green paint, which meant I had to re-paint that room before we moved in, cooked every single meal in the microwave and did not cover his food once. He had a diet rich in grease and tomato sauce.

People. I know none of you microwave food without covering it and I know none of you sit with your naked back on the wall. So I feel safe in stating that people who do this are Not Doing It Right and are Bad People. We can all agree on that, can't we?


Gaylin said...

Back grease on the wall.

I don't have a microwave so no problems keeping it clean!

Rubiatonta said...

Yes. Yes, you can.

Can we have an addendum that says if you are my cholo neighbor and you know that the lock on the street door is broken, you will pause for 3.5 seconds as you enter and exit the building to be sure that the latch has caught, or I get to declare you Una Persona Mala Que No Tiene Ni Puta Idea?