Monday, February 20, 2012

Marriage 401, Lecture 124: Cross dressing

SH: Wow. These are tight for a medium.

Me: That's because it's a women's medium.

SH: What?!

Me: The running tights. That you're trying on. They're women's.

SH: Why did you get me women's clothes?

Me: Because the only thing I found last time in the men's was long underwear! And we didn't figure out that they didn't work* until after you had worn them and they couldn't be returned. I got a large, too. Try it.

SH: I can't wear women's clothes!

Me: Oh sure you can!

SH: No. I'm not trying them. Take these. I'm not wearing women's clothes.

Me: There is not one single characteristic of these tights that identifies them as women's. If I hadn't told you, you wouldn't know.

SH: But they're women's clothes! It's OK for women to wear men's clothes, but it's not OK for men to wear women's clothes.

Me: If you are running and get hit by a car, I can promise that there is not one single way that the ambulance people will be able to tell that you're wearing women's tights.

* The waist didn't stay up while SH was running, so he looked like a middle-aged hip-hopper running along, clutching the top of his pants so they would stay on, just like those kids have to hold up their jeans as they shuffle across the street. I look at those kids and think, "If there's a fire at school, kid, you're not going to make it out."


Rubiatonta said...

I have it on reasonably good authority that women's clothes give off secret frequencies that only men can detect. Like a dog whistle.

(BTW, what is up with Blogger's new "Please prove you're not a robot" feature? I'm not a robot, I'm just middle-aged with lousy vision. Sheesh.)

Class factotum said...

Rubi, I have disabled the word verification. I didn't know it was doing that. (It doesn't show to the site owner.) I agree - it's maddening. The real words should be, "Prove that you don't need reading glasses."

Joy said...

Couldn't you somehow make acceptance of the "women's" running tights turn on SH's much-vaunted political progressivism?

webb said...

Years (many) ago I helped teach scuba diving. This was in the days before the fancy fabrics for diving suits and all of us wore panty hose in order to get the tight suits on. You ain't lived until you have watched a class of Marines don panty hose. Too incredibly funny! I always wanted to go watch them buying queen-size leggs! (Of course, the good thing about Marines was tht if you told them to do it, they did. "Yes, M'am."

Class factotum said...

Ha! Joy, your idea is brilliant! I'll tell him he needs to prove how tolerant and diverse he is!

Webb, my college boyfriend told me they used to wear pantyhose under their football uniforms in high school for warmth.

Michael said...

to reply to your little post scrips - that is one of the last forms of natural selection left in our society!

Class factotum said...

Michael, I have to agree with you! Sad, isn't it?