Monday, March 26, 2012

To sleep

I got sick. I never get sick.

Perhaps those two sentences are a logical impossibility. Only one of them can be true.

Let me modify my statement.

I got sick. I rarely get sick.

My body has betrayed me. I am blaming the late night on Wednesday with SH and our singing class friends. My body doesn't like to be out past midnight. I can't believe I ever stayed out late when I was in college. Although when I did that, I was able to sleep late the next morning because there were no cats whining to be fed.

Life is easier without cats.

I was infected Wednesday night when some people who were sick came out to the bar.

If you're sick - if you're contagious, then don't go to a public place. Leave me out of your disease-ridden coughs. Honestly.

But the combination of exposure + lack of sleep = I got sick. I started showing signs Sunday afternoon. By Sunday evening, I was desperate enough to take sudafed, the drug that I don't care if everyone can buy and sell to meth labs as long as I don't have to be fingerprinted every time I'm congested. NOTE TO LEGISLATORS: Most of us just have a cold or allergies! And yet you treat us like criminals! Just legalize all drugs, remove children from unfit parents, which you're supposed to do anyhow, and leave the rest of us alone.


I took sudafed so I could breathe at the same time I was reclining. I don't really sleep that well sitting up.

Well, guess what? The drug I used to think made me sleepy now keeps me awake. I fell asleep, I woke up. I sniffed for a while, fell back asleep, woke up again. Sniffed, etc. All the way through the night.

This process does not lead to a good night's sleep, either for the sniffer or for her bedmate.

No more drugs, I thought last night. I'm done. I even called my insurance company nurse hotline to get advice on non-sudafed solutions.

Saline nasal spray, hot, steamy shower.

Problem was, those solutions don't last. You can breathe for a little while, but not long enough to fall asleep or to stay asleep.

I decided it would be better for SH, who doesn't need to get sick, if I could at least lie in bed without sniffing and snoring, so I took another sudafed. The devil you know.

Guess what? I couldn't sleep. And I was still sniffy. The best of both worlds.

So I grabbed my pillow and a quilt and went down to the basement to sleep on the sofa. At least there, my tossing and turning and sniffing wouldn't disturb anyone but the cats.

The cats were thrilled. They hate being banished to the basement at night.

Laverne bounded over to the sofa, hopped onto my feet, then walked from my feet to my shoulder. Once she was on my shoulder, she leaned her head over to sniff my face. Her whiskers tickled my cheek. She sniffed in satisfaction, settled herself on my shoulder, and began to purr.

If one is already having problems sleeping, a purring cat on the shoulder does not make things easier.

Then Shirley had to get into the game. She, too, came over to see what was going on. I felt her spring lightly onto my hip. Laverne gallumps, Shirley jetes. She confirmed that it was indeed moi, and not SH, her favorite. She left. I'm not the one she wants.

Laverne got tired of balancing on my shoulder and clomped her way down my side back to my feet, where she curled up in just the right place to pin the blanket over my feet and make it impossible for me to turn over without displacing her.

I fell asleep, woke up, sniffed. Fell asleep, woke up, sniffed.

When the sun started to come up, the cats decided they'd had enough sleeping and it was time to get up, which meant more jumping on me to see why wasn't I awake? The sun was up! Time to get out of the basement!

I put my earplugs in and turned over.

That's when Shirley decided it was a good time to pick up her blue marble in her mouth, carry it up to the fourth step, then drop it and watch it bounce all the way back down the stairs.

Our stairs are not carpeted.

The sound of a marble bouncing down the stairs might not wake a person up the first time it happens, but when a cat carries the marble and drops it seven times, a person has to pay attention.

I'm going to look for new drugs. Vicodin, anyone?


Ptolemy said...

Whenever I see people looking at the "usual" cold remedies, I always want to say, forget it, just get something labeled "Mucinex" and you'll be much happier. Get the Maximum Strength Mucinex for congestion -- take one every 12 hours and be happy. Or at least a whole lot happier than Sudafed will make you.

Rubiatonta said...

Yup. Mucinex 12-hour, plus a Breathe Right strip (or generic equivalents thereof). Mano de santo, hija.

Zouzou thinks that walking from my hip to my shoulder, settling in, and purring like mad has curative powers. Cats are silly.

Class factotum said...

Hmm. Maybe I should return the pack of 96 sudafed tablets I bought the other day and buy mucinex instead. But can I sell Mucinex to a meth lab?

Maybe I should drug the cats.

webb said...

Sadly, Sudafed speeds up your heart and - for most people - negatively affects (not, "impacts", Madam Grammar) sleep.

You might want to add an antihystamine to the Mucinex if that's part of the problem. Benadryl helps most people sleep and stops the hystamine reaction.

And, no, you can't sell that to the meth makers either. sorry. You have to make a choice between health and wealth on this one.

Beryl said...

Mucinex, Ibuprofen, and Breathe right nose strips work really well together. You can also add Afrin Sinus for 3 days to keep your nose clear. And never underestimate hot showers and chicken soup.

Class factotum said...

OK you guys. The sudafed is going back to Walgreen's and I am getting mucinex (what an appealing name) instead.