Thursday, April 26, 2012
Marriage 401, Lecture 313: Les impots, trois
This is how things go at our house. Usually, I wake up way before SH does, mostly because I go to bed before he does but also because the sun and the cats affect me but do not affect him. The man could sleep through an atom bomb, I think. The desperate cries of a hungry or at least a demanding cat fall on his deaf ears, but penetrate two doors and my earplugs.
But this morning, I slept late. I had stayed up with SH to finish the taxes. Yes, this post is coming to you several days after I am writing it. This is how taxes worked when I was unmarried.
1. I got all the information in the mail.
2. I pulled my "Tax" file from the file box.
3. I downloaded TurboTax (or got the paper forms from the library).
4. I did my taxes.
5. I filed my taxes.
6. I made copies of everything, three-hole punched it, and put it in my "Tax" binder.
All this happened at the beginning of February.
This is how taxes work now that I am married.
1. We get the information in the mail.
2. I pull the "Tax" file from the file box.
3. I wait for SH to download TurboTax.
4. I input the charitable information, the W2 information, my mutual fund information, and my self-employment income. SH says, "Don't do anything with that stock I sold this year." (We decided that with SH taking a sabbatical last year, it would be a good time to sell some stock to keep our income up.)
5. I tell SH I want him to print a draft of what I have done so far so I can check everything against my hard copies. He does not print a draft.
6. I say, "It sure is weird that TurboTax didn't nag me about which states the mutual funds are in, but it just imported them and let me continue, so maybe they finally fixed that."
7. I say, "Maybe you shouldn't wait until the last minute to work on the taxes."
8. He starts working on the taxes on Saturday, April 14, and discovers he doesn't have the basis information for the stock sale, which is really important information, because we did not make $15 a share on that stock! We made maybe 75 cents a share. We do not want to pay taxes on $15 a share. So he has to tear apart his office looking for the documents with the purchase price of the stock.
9. He continues working on the taxes Tuesday night and discovers that when I entered the charitable donations, of which he made a bunch on December 29 for $25 each - - I pointed out that for each donation, I have to look up the charity's address and create a new record in TurboTax so maybe he could make just one $500 donation and be done with it next year, I entered the wrong date on some of them. Oh no. OH NO!
I entered the WRONG DONATION DATE!
We were going to go to the Big House.
And it was going to be all my fault.
Which is why I was up late. Because I had to sit with SH while he went through every single record to correct the donation dates, even though I pointed out to him that in the 25 years before I had married him and had been doing my own taxes, I had never been 1. audited or 2. imprisoned. Which meant that it took a while to complete the taxes. Which never should have waited until the night before they were due, anyhow.
I was up late. SH went to bed early for him, but only because he had stayed up the entire night before working. He went to bed at 8:30 a.m. on Tuesday and got up at 11:00 a.m. on Tuesday and was a bit cranky during the day, as you might imagine. He was actually ready to go to bed at 11:00 p.m. after he hit "send" at 10:46 p.m.
We declined to donate money to Lambeau Field, even though TurboTax asked us nicely.
I suppose 11:00 wasn't so late for me, but I didn't sleep well the night before when SH was up all night because I am a delicate princess who is highly attuned to her surroundings and hearing a husband working in the office upstairs and wondering when he is going to come to bed is not restful.
So I slept late this morning. We got up at the same time, which rarely happens, which is fine with me because I like to have the mornings to myself. I like to make my coffee and read my stuff online and then go to the gym.
I am not a chatty person in the a.m.
But we got up together this morning. Which screwed everything up. SH was relentlessly cheery. He wanted to talk. Which I do not want to to first thing in the morning. Not only did he want to talk, but he wanted to talk about things I do not want to talk about ever, much less first thing in the morning, like politics and like querying me about every single item that's in the fridge.
That's the point of this whole post. To tell you what SH likes to do several times a week and to ask if your husbands do this. I am late to the marriage game, so I do not know if this is normal behavior.
Is it normal for a man to stand in front of an open refrigerator and ask his significant other what every single item in the fridge is and what the plan is for that item? Sometimes, the questions go into, "But why did you make it if you don't like it?"
Sometimes, the interrogation expands to the freezer, along with some impatience at the disarray of the items. I do not keep things in the strict order that SH does.
All I want to do is read the paper and my favorite blogs and drink my coffee/milk/half and half/splenda and not be bothered. I do not want to be interrogated about what is in the refrigerator!