Me: My feet hurt. They hurt so much.
SH: That's what you get for wearing high heels.
I might note that these are not just any high heels, but Italian high heels.
To make it even better, I got them almost new on eBay and paid almost nothing. Almost nada. For handmade Italian shoes.
Me: But flats are so ugly.
SH: Who cares?
Me: I want to look good.
Me: Good point. I'm already married. I don't need to attract a husband.
SH: Unless you're looking for another sugar daddy to replace me.
Me: Yeah, because men with money really want middle-aged women whose feet hurt.