Sunday, July 08, 2012

Sunday report

I'm cranky. It's been hot, hot enough that we've had to use the a/c. I didn't even use my a/c when I lived in Miami or Memphis - only a few times when I had houseguests. I hate a/c.

I also hate muggy heat that is accompanied by (not simultaneously) cold winters, snow, and ice. That is, if I am going to have hot summers that require a/c, I should not have to change my tires in the winter, worry about slipping on the ice and breaking my leg, or shovel snow. Or be cold.

I was tricked into moving here and now I don't even get a decent summer. The only good thing is that I haven't had to mow the grass in over a month.

Oh yes - along with the heat, we are getting dry. No rain. I don't care so much, but this is sort of an agricultural state and farmers need rain. Speaking of that, who writes the prayers at my church? You know, the prayers where everyone says, "Lord hear our prayer" after the statement. Honestly - there is enough going on locally that we don't need to list pray. It's always lists: "We pray for those in the healing professions: health care providers (nobody will use the word 'doctor' anymore, which I think is a deliberate attempt by health insurance companies to undermine physicians), nurses, lab techs, EMTs, receptionists in the ER, blah, blah, blah." Every prayer is a list.

But when they ask the congregation for what they want to pray for, it's always very specific: "My neighbor who was just diagnosed with lung cancer." "My nephew who was just killed in a car accident." "My brother who is being deployed." "For rain." Nobody ever volunteers a list.

I need to take over that place and make them do it right. They never start on time, either, and they sing crummy songs. Is there any composer worse than Marty Haugen or David Haas?

For all you non-Catholics out there, I assure you, there is nobody worse than Marty Haugen or David Haas. Imagine the worst version of Kumbayah that you can think of, raise it to infinity, and you still have better music than Catholics find in the Gather hymnal.

My garden is crap. Nothing will germinate. I have planted and planted and planted. Nothing comes up. The rabbits are eating what little is growing. If I had a gun, I would shoot them. Maybe I'll buy a gun. Every rabbit on earth could die and I would not shed a tear.

The cats are shedding like banshees. Banshees shed a lot. There is cat hair all over the place, despite my vacuuming and brushing. The extra hair is making the cats throw up more, so I have the additional joy of finding cat vomit on the carpet in the basement. Not on the 80% of our flooring that is not carpeted. Just on the new(ish) carpet in the basement.

I handwashed an Ann Taylor silk sundress and it shrank. Sure, it said "dry clean," but they always say that. Always. I have always handwashed silk and it's always been fine. But not this dress. It is now six inches shorter than it was and it hits my legs right at the point where the casual observer thinks, "Those are some chubby knees."

I hope your July is going better.

10 comments:

Joy said...

I also hate AC, but there is simply no way that I could sleep without the window unit we finally broke down and installed in the bedroom this summer. Even without the present freakishly long heat wave, NYC in the summer is miserable. Not DC miserable, but still very miserable.

My neck has been hurting for the last several days, like I slept on it wrong and some point and it refuses to go back into place. The heat exacerbates the pain. It's usually not bad in the morning after I've had a pleasant eight hours of air conditioned sleep, but by early evening, when I've spent the day in the un-air-conditioned rest of the apartment, it hurts again.

And why am I spending my days in an un-air-conditioned apartment? Because I am studying for the bar exam and the wifi at the public library is unreliable and my bar prep course is internet-based. The bar exam has got to be one of the most pointless attempts at gatekeeping ever devised. Access to the legal profession should be monitored. The solution is to shut down half the law schools in this country and make a 160 on the LSAT the absolute minimum for admission anywhere. But no, instead I have to spend my summer memorizing the Rule Against Perpetuities and other arcane and useless trivia.

The ice cream truck drives sloooooowly down our block every freaking night playing the same brain-melting jingle. I want to throw rocks out the window at him. But that would be an intentional tort and possibly even a criminal offense if I hit a person. I cannot even indulge in fantasies of minor property destruction without the bar exam intruding.

At least we don't have cats.

Class factotum said...

I want to throw rocks out the window at him.

No jury would convict.

Rubiatonta said...

Why do cats HAVE to throw up on rugs? In my 60 sq. meter apt, there are two quite small rugs and hectares of parquet. No points for guessing where Zouzou goes when she needs to get rid of a hairball.

On the plus side, the malt paste for hairballs is apparently kitty crack flavored, and I don't have to wrestle with her every morning to get her to eat it like I did with the old brand.

Class factotum said...

Wait! What malt paste?

beyondbeige said...

I feel your pain. My Catholic church performs "mime" during service. I kid you not. I try not to snicker too loudly.

HHH said...

If it makes you feel any better, it's just as hot here in northwestern CT. The only thing I have over you is, being an Episcopal, we probably have a less annoyingly PC church service and excellent hymns. In fact my own particular church has made no concessions what so ever to "the new church" and I like it that way. For instance, we still say "holy ghost" instead of "holy spirit" and don't do the peace so I don't need to do any buggy-kissy stuff with strangers.

Rubiatonta said...

Petromalt is the U.S. version of what I give her -- for some reason, cats almost always like the malt flavor. The old brand, which was tuna flavored, usually required that I turn her into a kitty burrito (w/ towel) and put a blob on the roof of her mouth. The malt stuff she just licks off my finger. And she comes and yells at me if I haven't dosed her yet!

Joy said...

Speaking of AC, whatever happened to your friend dealing with the insane homeowners association president?

Marty Haugen said...

Thanks for listening to/signing my tunes! I assure you they'll grow on you.

Class factotum said...

Beige - Mime? Mime!? Lord have mercy.

HHH, I hate the hand holding. I always sit as far away as possible from other people so I can avoid it.

Rubi, I will have to look for that.

Joy, I have posted an update, just for you.

Marty, one can hope!