I have to tell you about this job interview I had. First, I had to buy something to wear to an interview - not only do I not have any suits left, they wouldn't fit me if I did. Marriage has put a few pounds on me. Not that I care enough about it to do anything like diet. Dieting means being hungry and/or not eating things I like, like half and half and cheese and dessert and darn it, life is too long not to eat things I like.
So I bought a black skirt in a size larger than I used to wear and a white blouse to go with it because who wears suits to work any more, anyhow?
I arrived at the company's headquarters. Waited patiently, as instructed in my email. Because I wouldn't have known to "wait patiently" until the HR person came to get me.
What kind of candidate is he used to? People who throw themselves across the receptionist's desk, screaming at her?
I had googled the guy who was to interview me.
I found out that he is in charge of "corporate highering."
Which made me think that this interview was not going to go well.
And I was so right.
When the HR guy, whom we shall call Simon, came to get me, he didn't even come all the way down the stairs to the lobby. He stood on the landing and called my name. Yes, I, the only person in the lobby besides the receptionist, was indeed the person he was looking for.
He took me to a conference room. Did not offer me water or soda or coffee. I offered something to drink even to magazine ad salesmen when I was working and they are about the most annoying people on earth.
In the small talk, he learned I had gone to high school in the Panama Canal Zone.
That's when he said to me, "I really like Florida! But I go to Miami."
That's when I knew this interview was not going anywhere.
I smiled weakly, and rather than saying, "You moron, the Panama Canal Zone has nothing to do with Panama City, Florida," I just said, "Oh! Miami! Do you get good Cuban food when you're there?"
Even that, he didn't know about. Had never heard of a medianoche.
I later spoke to a friend who knew people who worked at the company. She told me that Simon's father was good friends with someone high up in the company. I need better connections.